It looks to me like your W is hedging her bets and wants to be sure she has a man in her life.

If I were you I would be setting down a whole lot of conditions before I agreed to anything.
To begin with she needs to cut all contact with this guy. She has to give you access to her
phone, computer, etc. She needs to start individual counseling.

Abandoning you and moving to another state is pretty dramatic, isn't it? Are you sure you want her back?

Maybe a few sessions with a counselor will help you get some clarity on your situation.

We both said we need things from each other, even though there are more things I'm going to need coming from this situation. As far as giving me access to her phone, it is under my contract so I can see who she is texting or calling. But I don't want to spend my relationship in snooping through her stuff because I do want to trust her. Her going through individual counseling is a BIG must. The previous two months I wanted her back. Now I'm up on the fence on this because I have read through other posts that their significant others went back into cheating. "Once a cheat, always a cheat." Isn't that a popular phrase that rings true?

Well said by stormpetrel i 1p0 percent agree. Ur ex is clearly scared to be alone. She loves u both. But maybe you just a little more given the fact she wants to come back. But that's not the right base for a reconsilliation. She needs to come back to you cause sge loves you and truly regret the pain she caused you not cause she is scared to be alone. I would recommend therapy to work on urself and ur self esteem. Don't let her hold the ropes and pull u around like a puppet. It's ur time to be strong and confident. U don't need her for that. Than u will see her true colors. Either she leaves this guy and goes in therapy and then begs u for forgiveness. Or she is to scared to be alone and doesn't leave this guy. But stop telling her she can come back cause wgat she did is extremely disrespectful. U can't promise her at any point that u can forgive her. U can try but u can't promise

So to answer ur question. I'm not in the same boat. My boyfriend cheated pure sexual contacts he has intense remorse and dies everything on his power to make it work. He's in therapy and he sent me pictured to prove where he is. I have all passwords etc. That's the only way to possibly fix a relationship after cheating. Not the way ur wife is doing currently. Spunfs like she has no true remorse and no clue of the pain she caused u. Which means she will do it again or not break with this guy. Don't let her hurt you even more. And even with all the things my boyfriend is doing I can't say if I can get past it and ever trust him again. Only time will tell. So het basically asking you to confirm you want het back is extremely inconsiderate she surely "doesn't get it" sorry to say

Sir, I am truly sorry tou are dealing with this. For a year I have been divorced. 12 years of marraige. The last 6 dealing with her cheating. You love her, yes. You won't stop loving her. It doesn't go away. Neither wI'll the trust issue she has created and you will soon experience upon her arrival. The first bit might be great, but you're already on the path to hypersensitivity. You are going to scrutinize everything she does. That's gonna drive you both crazy. At first you'll justify it. And she will too. In a very short time you'll also notice things she does now she may not have before she left. This is going to get sour. Your agony is shared by many of us. Bit unfortunately, you're about to isolate yourself. From every decent moment you could have if you let her come back. I still hurt so much from my children's mother leaving. She came back and left and came back. And life without her is much better, but I still miss her everyday. And then I remember the hell life was when she was here. I am making it without her terrible influence. You're wife will jump ship again at the drop of a hat. It's define rely "grass is greener". With adulterers. They are meager and self satisfying. However many years you gave eachother is time spent. And it's over. Recover. That is your aim. It's hard. Very hard, but we have to say "I'm done". We have to control this part of our lives we shared once with someone. Unfortunately along the road, that someone broke. The relationship broke. These are things which the very core foundation, the commonality, trust, and dependability are in. Those are destroyed. There's nothing left to build on. You are working with rubble. The remnants, shattered, of a structure that no longer exist and cannot be rebuilt. In these situations, we move and start over. If we build on the crumbled foundation then all we ever will gain is rubble. The very last vestiges of something that once was and never will be again.
I implore you to take some time. You are a last resort to her. The relationship she is in now is over. You are the person she is running to because she has no one else. As soon as she does she will be gone again. I am sorry.

Now I'm really scared if she comes back.

Dont be scared. Be strong. U dont need her to be happy and u sure dont need someone that made u feel like this. Dont sit and wait for her. Don't give her that power, u have all the control now. Get some good counselor for urself that will help you much more than trying to safe a marriage in which she is not fully committed. Wish you the best. You can do this

Yes, I got her back. Yes, we got the relationship working again. But first... We were separated for two and a half years, we both had to get new jobs, we fought like cats and dogs with our in-laws, and we both spent thousands of dollars on attorneys - and several thousands more on marriage counseling (and therapy for our children). Was it "worth it"? I dunno. I'm happy we're together and our marriage is pretty darned smooth, all things considered. Our children are much, much happier to have us together. I have grown a lot, and she has grown a lot and, like I say, we're in a pretty good spot, now. But DAMN, it was unbearably painful. I sure wish we could have avoided the whole mess.