Your husband doesn't really sound like a good catch. Could he have an affair? Not that I approve of ur emotional affair at all but it's not ok if u have to do everything and he is just doing his own fun things. That is selfish behaviour and selfishness is in people who cheat.. If u truly want to safe ur marriage something drastically has to change. Talk to him very seriously and be honest tell him what u did he might get mad or it's a wake up call or he might tell you he has an affair himself I don't know. And than couples counseling if there's anything to be saved. Good luck to you

Thank you heartache5 for your input. I don't think that he is having an affair but then who knows for sure? You are right, he can be very selfish.
We have tried counselling before but he did not want to continue.
I don't think I could tell him about what I did...

I think you owe it to yourself, your H, and your 20 year marriage to sit down with your H and tell him that you are unhappy and things need to change or you need to split up. You can both work on your marriage together or call it quits.

In the meantime, leave this married guy alone.

I think it's high time he started to share all those chores you mention. You have built up a resentment towards him and that's probably why you're pursuing someone else who is married and in the same bored shoes as you.

Life is what you make it, but you're letting life make you. Don't be afraid of talking to your husband. Just put your big girl pants on and sit him down. If he does not agree to any of it, then you know where you stand in his books, and you can then make decisions based on how you want your life to play out in the next five years.

Wishing you well.

I have three kids to think about. I have talked to my husband and things get better temporally and they go back.

put all your cards on the table with him (be a real peach for now and do not disclose your betrayal by "an emotional affair")
own your part in the unhappiness, can't be 100% on him, if it is then he is a world class douche bag or you are
if you will own yours
and tell him it's get things straightened out for real & for good
he might own his
you might have a chance to reconcile and give your kids a real family
that would be ideal
and worth being all in for
tell your h that is what all the cards on the table mean

Your marriage needs help. Leave the married guy alone.. he needs to deal with his own mess!
Tell you H what you said here... sometimes telling them that if we don't do something there will be no us.
Good luck

I agree. Adultery is not the answer. Fight for your marriage. If you ended up with the other man how could you trust him when he is willing to flirt with a married woman? Don't be deceived.

Agreed like all say, you really need to talk to your husband and tell everything. Hopefully its a wake up call, yes you risk him getting mad and leaving, but what do you really risk, youre not happy with him the way it is going anyway. with doing nothing either you or him or both will simply have a real affair at some point, that's not healthy. By talking either he is a big baby and blames you and runs away or he wakes up from his self-centered life and starts listening to you. going to counseling is not an option its a must to safe a marriage, if he refuses how ignorant can he be. Im sorry but I am concerned he is cheating on you, otherwise why would he not "give a shit" about saving your marriage and helping out etc. but I could be wrong.
Agreed with all the others please leave the married guy alone, he is a true ass, you don't want to be with him, first of all you will be the mistress and you help wreck his family and his kids, second of all, this "fantastic" married guy is cheating on his wife, be realistic he would cheat on you as easy as he is now cheating on his wife. Its not healthy to end a marriage and jump into another relationship those are not lasting anyway. if you want to save your marriage, get counseling and ask help on how best to approach your husband. be firm and strong and sound confident but remorseful of what you did. hopefully he catches on to the fact something needs to change, good luck to you. Oh and just for the records if you do work out your marriage, you need to change jobs, its not ok to keep working with your "temptation" if you truly want to safe a marriage. good luck

Confused I could have written your story, 3 children and all. Selfish husband who did what he wanted while I felt trapped at home with little help. I loved being a mom but had no help and very little interest or care shown to me. You are building up great resentment and unless you change something, this will continue as will your need for love and affection.
I agree your husband needs to hear how you feel but make sure he doesn't think this is the typical "bitch session" and knows you are very serious. My husband did not change nor care much till we separated and all of a sudden he couldn't do enough and was beside himself. he didn't give two shits before this. Many times a spouse is taken for granted and an assumption is made they will always be there. This is why the other man is looking attractive, interesting and exciting.
Give yourself some distance from the temptation and have a very serious talk with your h,

There are a lot of us with this story.. yup, 3 kids here.. hubby worked and did EVERYTHING ELSE! But he was the one that had the H, apparently I didn't pay enough attention to him

Thank you for the advices. I sat down with my husband last night and told him how I have been feeling. I left out the emotional affair since I ended it. He listened and was quite surprised. Time will tell what happens to us and if we stay together. I feel better at least that most of everything is out in the open.