Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
hi im 20 yr old female n my husband just turned 28 last week...we have been together for about 3 yrs, been living together for two and a half yrs, and been married a lil more than one yr. well my problem is that im not sure if my husband still loves his ex fiance...he said he was with her for 3 yrs until she cheated on him but i kno he still wanted her back..he said he even tried to kill himself. when i met him he still talked to her...he lied to me about it and would deny it even if he knew that i knew the truth...
i think the worst part was that he always use to compare me to her...she was closer to his age and was alot more experienced in life...i was always extremely overprotected by my dad...i wasnt even allowed to go in the front yard! n i only was allowed to talk to my friends in school cause if they calld it had to b like 10 n thats it.
whenever i messed up he would say "well (her name) would have never done that" ...one time he said that he had no problem with her going out cause she had so many friends that loved her and would protect her and she knew her way around...it hurt cause it was like he was saying that i had no friends and nobody loved me n i was too stupid to walk down d street....he finally stopped comparing me to her when i told him it hurt me. he has tried to find out info about her on d web n said he promised her he would always b there for her ...but i think thats so dumb cause dont we all say that to our exs?
n he use to get pissed if any guy talked to me.
well my problem now is that he is always listening to songs about "missing you" or "i cant let u go" u kn0 all those type of songs...those r his favorite... does that mean anything??
i love him so much but it really hurts to think about that...he has also cheated on me in the past...he was on about 10 diff sites to date, hook up,chat with diff women and even meet up (he said he nevr met with any1)...he said he stopped n i think he tries but wants to do it again. he lies quite a bit but i kno he has good in him. we will soon be getting a car and he says he wants to have some freedom...(even tho he spends all day on d computer playing games when hes not working n doesn't acknowledge me) ...im really scared that this is gonna be the final problem to end our marriage. we barely talk ...the things he says put me down cause he says i dont know how to do anything(i just clean everything n make him breakfast n dinner) i really dont feel apreciated at all...i feel unloved even tho he tells me he loves me. i think he is just with me cause is afraid of being alone. i want to be happy but its like idk what to do to make him pay attention to me or how to trust him again. i just need ur guys opinion plz.
i think the worst part was that he always use to compare me to her...she was closer to his age and was alot more experienced in life...i was always extremely overprotected by my dad...i wasnt even allowed to go in the front yard! n i only was allowed to talk to my friends in school cause if they calld it had to b like 10 n thats it.
whenever i messed up he would say "well (her name) would have never done that" ...one time he said that he had no problem with her going out cause she had so many friends that loved her and would protect her and she knew her way around...it hurt cause it was like he was saying that i had no friends and nobody loved me n i was too stupid to walk down d street....he finally stopped comparing me to her when i told him it hurt me. he has tried to find out info about her on d web n said he promised her he would always b there for her ...but i think thats so dumb cause dont we all say that to our exs?
n he use to get pissed if any guy talked to me.
well my problem now is that he is always listening to songs about "missing you" or "i cant let u go" u kn0 all those type of songs...those r his favorite... does that mean anything??
i love him so much but it really hurts to think about that...he has also cheated on me in the past...he was on about 10 diff sites to date, hook up,chat with diff women and even meet up (he said he nevr met with any1)...he said he stopped n i think he tries but wants to do it again. he lies quite a bit but i kno he has good in him. we will soon be getting a car and he says he wants to have some freedom...(even tho he spends all day on d computer playing games when hes not working n doesn't acknowledge me) ...im really scared that this is gonna be the final problem to end our marriage. we barely talk ...the things he says put me down cause he says i dont know how to do anything(i just clean everything n make him breakfast n dinner) i really dont feel apreciated at all...i feel unloved even tho he tells me he loves me. i think he is just with me cause is afraid of being alone. i want to be happy but its like idk what to do to make him pay attention to me or how to trust him again. i just need ur guys opinion plz.
This is not the type of marriage I thought I'd have
I dnt kno if its normal tho:/
No matter if you've been married one year or 20 years, for a man to do that is just plain selfish and cruel. He's cheated, he doesn't respect you, he's cruel to you, and he's in love with his ex. You are WAY TO YOUNG, or rather, THERE IS WAY TOO MUCH LIFE AHEAD OF YOU, for you to have to endure this cold existence.
I'm sorry to say, but if ever there is a case of existing a marriage, this is it.
I hope you find your answers and I hope you find much support in here.
-TheRule
One more thing. Don't be content to clean and cook your whole life. Find yourself! You're 20 and the world is your oyster. Enjoy it, don't dread it!
-TheRule
NEVER, ever fight to make someone give you attention. Girl, he either DOES or he doesn't. And clearly here, he doesn't. I think you may have hit the nail on the head with saying he doesn't want to be alone. I'm just so happy ( not) about how he KNOCKS you, yet he spends his time playing video games, not acknowledging you, trying to hook up on dating sites and obviously not emotionally maturing in his life. Who is the real loser here? It kind of sounds like its him.
And to answer your question: No. He's not still in love with her. He's in love with himself. And he's abusing the hell out of you.
Next lesson, GET OUT!!
Your husband is .........who he is.
You need to ask yourself the following....
Why was I attracted to a man with this behavior and character?
Why do/did I tolerate his treatment?
Why did I marry him?
Why did I date a 25 year old man (a minor) at 17 years old?
Until you get to the root of this within YOU,.......things are unlikely to change for you..........in this marriage or future relationships.