The problem with that question is we really don't know.....how could we know? You either have to believe they are telling the truth or not.......with technology these days theres so many ways to talk to someone without anyone knowing....it's making it 10 time harder ;(

I address that in the article. Give if a read.

Yes seashell6 you never cant really know for sure. Prior to an affair you just except and believe that your partner cant or wont cheat on you, you dont need to "know" with proof you just dont think otherwise.
The fact of the matter is if there is a will there is a way, like you said with technology these days. Also a CS that wants to do it again gets smarter from the first time around. You either have to just believe or hope they are telling the truth. There are things they can do, and you can do, to try to make it easier but you never will 100% believe it, because you are not painfully aware that they can cheat on you.

I pretty much say all that up front, County and seashell. But there are signs that you can look for that give an indication one way or the other.

Nothing fool proof, but help and developing a proper attitude.

It helps to read an article before commenting on it. :)

Since you posted the question here, I don't think it is unreasonable to comment on the question here without reading the article. I hope I can convey the spirit in which I say the following. I mean no offense. I don't have any interest in reading the article. That is true of most articles posted on this site.

Tammi

That's fine if it isn't a subject someone is interested in. That page is for new BSs mainly. So a subset of BSs on this site. It is a list of questions new BSs tend to ask. This is one some suggested should be added to the list.

And people are certainly welcome to comment on the question. But its just odd to do so as if the article about it didn't address that. Especially when it did.

I wasn't intending to shut down any discussion on the question, only intended to point out the article addresses those issues.

Well I was responding to seashell not commenting on the article and it was after reading the article though it may not seem that way.

I didn't do a good job of conveying that I wasn't being bitchy. I wasn't offended and I was just throwing in my two cents. It was nothing more than that. No harm no foul.

Good article and I agree, most of the folks involved in an affair aren't ready to end it and if they are caught often times they just slow down or take a break from it because they are aware that they need to cool off but once things settle and they feel is safe, they continue the interaction and yes, technology makes it too easy.

The article reads: "Knowing how you discovered the affair, if they continue contact, they are likely to be more careful and sneaky. In the end, you can't stop them if they want to continue contact with the affair partner. You can't force them to do the right thing, but you can decide how you will react"

With regards to "you can decide how you will react"? - this is why I left - that way I don't have to react. Living with this type of tension isn't a peaceful way to live. But, I know - some require staying and feel the person is worth the agony the will live with later.

Another alternative to how you will react or worrying - start operating in a relationship aware that most people at some point will talk to other people - start understanding the world around you - too many people are getting so engulfed in preventing infidelity and not living - sometimes we have to let go of things we can't control. Also, if your mate starts showing signs that they rather be with someone else, at what point do you just give them that push they need? - push them out there, let them go, let them be happy w/whomever they elect - why would you want to retain someone who's clearly acting like you are no longer who they want?

Unless you with a serial cheater and they have been sneaky and cheating since the beginning, when they started their affair something about them changed. Your gut could tell, but you could not put your finger on it. They changed and when caught, it all made sense.

Once caught, there is a period where you need to be vigilant. Give them the choice. You can allow me to be vigilant and keep an eye on you, or we can end this relationship now? So, which do you want, privacy or this marriage? Your choice.

Oh, you chose the marriage, then this is how it is going to be.

If after a period of time (up to you) they don't get back to being more who they were prior, then you need to enact the MJ strategy and get the hell out of there.

You don't need proof or to catch them. You just need to trust your heart.

if after a period of time (you will know when) they get back to who they were and the storm is passed, guess what? That is right, not need to monitor.

I have not looked a phone, search history, etc for probably 2 years.

It feels good to trust again.

Correct, Millie.

Opting for divorce is one reaction you can have. If I used the word "reaction," that may not have been the best choice. Thought I was trying to convey is you can't control what they will do, but you can control how you will respond to what they do. Divorce is one possible response.

Going, on target, as usual. :)