Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Is he having second thoughts? Any advice?

gigiannna
gigiannna
So my divorce will be final in less than a week. After seven months of his affair yesterday he texts me that he is "still processing things". I asked him "processing what"? He said "the whole ordeal I put you and the family through". I said "why now" "why do you care all of a sudden about us". No reply. so I text this morning "the reason we are here is because you wanted this. you told me you wanted a divorce. I never wanted it. so where are you now? what is going on? I have heard nothing from him. I do not know if he is still seeing the OW. I dont need to divorce as he has already signed a settlement agreement giving me basically everything!!
sarah2220
sarah2220
Sounds to me like he might have hit a little speed bump with the OW---or that he is having guilt as he is seeing the divorce actually come to fruition. Most likely whatever he is doing is all about him. I would refrain from texting him again unless you hear back from him, and even then, plan to go on with you life as you had been. In the grand scheme of things, this very well may be of no importance. It was his choice to put you and your family through what he did--and he is after 7 months processing it now??? I would be a tad suspicious.

If he wants to return to you and the family, it MUST be on your terms not his. If he expresses that desire, you have a decision to make. Make sure that he earns his way back--the OW has to go---like yesterday! No contact with her and complete transparency with you, including giving you access to his phone, e-mail etc. But I would not even go down that road unless you believe him to be really sincere.
sarah2220
sarah2220
Also---I would make sure all this is not because the OW has jilted him!
HowCanThisBe
HowCanThisBe
I think you are right to smell something fishy here. I, personally, would let the divorce finalize.

If he has decided to go to therapy and change his character and you see a whole new person in his whole life, then you could make a decision if he is someone you would date and take it from there. Otherwise, I would cut the cord and have no contact with him, except for children things, if you have them.
Cole50
Cole50
Agree with the others.I'd be very leery of a "death bed conversion". Let it go through, and if he is serious, he can win you back and remarry if it gets that far.

An affair is in effect, a non-legal divorce. Some people get the divorce first, and then see if rebuilding takes place or not. Divorce isn't the final word, but put the load on his shoulder to make things right.
refurb
refurb
He has taken your respect.
Sign the divorce, take what is yours.
Don't look back
MrCellophane
MrCellophane
Seven months out is not all that long. Sometimes it takes a CS a while to "process" things, appreciate the gravity of their selfish actions, and accept responsibility for wrecking their life and the lives of their loved ones. It took my wife over a year. If you don't "need" a divorce, then I can understand your hesitation.

Still, I am inclined to agree with Cole. Divorce is not the final word.