Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
My fiance used my laptop and forgot to close the browser. He was logged into a sex chat site where he has a full friends list and chats with multiple individuals. This was about 2 weeks ago and I'm completely devastated. I immediately told him what I saw and his response was "I'm sorry you had to see that." He says its something that he's always done off and on and it's not a big deal to him. I feel like he's been cheating on me. I promises me that he deleted the account and removed the temptation so he won't do it anymore. We're getting married in a little over 2 months. I don't know what to do or think of all of this. I feel hurt, inadequate, and I've lost my trust in him. I find myself always wondering what he's doing on his phone and on his tablet. I mean, how many accounts does he have? Do these people have his cell number? He promises me he has never physically cheated ever on anyone. That this internet sex chat is just something he does when he's bored and doesn't keep himself busy. He says he may have a sex addiction. He said he would go to a councilor or find a group meeting, but he hasn't. Day to day I go from feeling OK to just being completely overcome with sadness. Do I want to spend the rest of my life like this? Do I even know this person? He kept this secret for our entire relationship. What else is he hiding? I'm thinking we should go to couples counseling to see if this is even going to work. Any advice for me? Thanks.
he is putting his deceit on you
He doesn't think it's serious. It's all going to wash under the bridge. You're going to have to set a timeline for him if you want any of those things to happen (counseling, group therapy, etc...). But, with a wedding coming in a few short months (counseling/and or group doesn't work overnight) are you really going to be feeling comfortable with his progress? I feel for you...it's a tough decision. Postponing the wedding isn't unthinkable...and it wouldn't be your fault (as he probably will say you are overreacting - and if he does, you know he isn't thinking about how you feel going in...). His actions and his words don't sit well with me. Trust your gut.
What Refurb posted here, regarding his answer of, "I'm sorry you had to see that" is calculated and cold-hearted. He's basically saying, 'I'm sorry you had to discover this side of me.' And what a way to start a marriage.
You caught him, and would have otherwise never found out about this. There's a reason the universe showed this to you. I'd return the ring.
I wish you well.
He has cheated on you! If you were doing the same thing he would be offended and calling you all kinds of names not very nice ones ! Like cheater!
So is it just text chatting is a video chatting is it meeting up for drinks I would do a little more research before you consider saying I do. There are many many many more chat rooms out there since you're marrying this person I would see a much money he's spending on this chat rooms. I would open your phone and say here's my access now give me yours since were going to be married there is no more secrets.
start by updating his icloud account, daily. Take CSs phone
>settings
>icloud
>back up
>make sure it is on... Back up now (i hope it has been on already)
Next ...
>settings
>privacy
>location services
>system services
>frequent locations (i hope this has been one also)
scroll down
click on each history if there is a location that is frequented ... say more than 5+ times it should be a place you know he goes... gym, home, work... ect... if not you may need an explanation
Settings
>Safari
>Advanced
>Website Data
>if he doesn't delete it often or at all there will be a lot of websites on here
>even some he doesn't go to anymore
>but I would look at them.. if it is there he clicked on them, there are add sites that are attached to other sites... so if there is say, porn, dating websites ect... he was the one that clicked on it.
now for the texts and other apps ect on his phone... snap chat not sure you can get that info but this website will get lots of stuff:
just remember it may not come in order exactly..
http://www.teensafe.com/
you have to make up a birth date so your CS appears your child...
you need his apple ID and password
now if your CS really has nothing to hide they will be willing to give you all this information..... do not necessarily tell him what site you are getting this from.
You can see deleted texts as well as current texts
you can see his contacts, websites visited, apps on is phone, there are a couple texting apps it gives information about too.
the other texting apps... if there are contacts on them it means he uses them... facetime, skype, tango, kik...
one other thingFrom a computer log in to CSs Facebook (in messenger sometimes if you delete your messages you archive them instead) from a computer log into CSs email, do the same... if your CS uses a phone and never a computer they are really not deleting them
Google Search popular social media , you can IM from them all! say I wanted to IM you... oh wait I am IM'ing you already... see how easy it is to contact someone, I could be a dude, but I am not as my pictures on my profile you can see me, I am the mom looking chick lol
I really hope that you can work this out before your big day...
Everyone is right. This is not something to throw under the rug or take lightly.
Unfortunately, it can become an addiction. You just 'can't stop' especially since he freely admits he's always done it 'on and off'. It 'takes you away' and 'removes you from reality'. Its the same as sexting except you are doing it on a computer. Later in your marriage, he most probably will fall back on it, in times of high stress, etc. Its possible and highly likely it has been made physical. They can also become emotional when you are talking/sexting the same person over and over. And of course he is going to tell you that it isn't physical- because after awhile the men on these need it to be real, talk isn't enough.
They may or may not have his cell phone number. They may have a fake number....because there are apps for that.....that people are calling an unidentifiable number, but it goes to your phone. Because, again, after awhile, chat isn't enough.
He deleted the account? He can reopen another. And I can tell you now the name of dozens of sites where you can do this. Dozens. And most men have more than one profile....especially ones that 'have always done it'.
In fairness to him, kudos for him saying he 'might' have a sex addiction. He does and he is reaching out to you without coming out and saying it because he's afraid of your reaction. You are probably the first to know. Please know that sex addictions are one of the most difficult to treat. He definitely will need professional help to overcome that.
You need to decide what you will put up with. It truly is good you know now.
What else is he hiding? This pretty much encompasses it all......
There is no entanglement of finances, there aren't any children yet. You have an engagement. I'd say cut your losses, give back the ring and let out a sweet sigh of relief that you dodged a major bullet. If he is doing this before he has you committed to marriage, I can't even imagine what he would do once you are. Please leave!
Your fiance is not showing you who he might be. He is showing you who he currently is and has been for many years. He blames it on boredom and that's scary.
All I can say is, think long and hard and get some premarital counseling before going through with this wedding. If you choose to go ahead with it, keep your eyes wide open.
People by nature tend to only admit to what you have proof of. Believe nothing he says when it comes to denying this behavior, frequency of it, or physical contact. I was quoting to my cheating spouse (now Ex H) from his sexts with the OW, he still looked me in the eyes and lied to my face. He is only admitting to what you caught him in. It's easier to cover up that way, and he will likely just cover his tracks better now -- "Im sorry you had to see that" means "I will work harder to make sure you don't see it as I continue to do it."
Please, for your own sanity, run and do not marry this man. A broken engagement is FAR less painful than a broken marriage. His attitude says it all, he has NO intention to change.
I'm "revisiting" this very madness, after years of "trying to make him see how I loved him" and how he could quit his internet connecting with other women. He made a good show of it for 3 years or so. I had settled in to what I thought was a good time of life in my later years. The expectation of an unexpected financial windfall (for him) has resulted in him choosing to "re-open the floodgates" with internet relationships. He plans to travel to meet and romance many to start his life over again. I was told today that he has "contempt" for me for my not having left him long ago. I made him feel "obligated" to stay as if "he owed me something".
If you can't bear the thought of hearing the one you love spew such painful words at you, after all your many years of love, caring and hope.......please don't try to be with him.
For you.......try your best to turn your head and walk away.
All my best to you......I do know how anguished you feel.
Thank you for your kind words. There are far too many of us who can relate to this.
AAC5.....I don't mean to presume to tell you what action to take, it's just that I know the pain that can keep reappearing after "once again" you thought it was all resolved, year after year after year.
In many of their minds, the desire sits dormant until another "life disappointment " or simple boredom bekons their need to explore their options.
It would take a lot of serious work on their part to willingly combat their actions. "Lip service" means nothing other than to steer you away from their "private" daliances, as far as I can see.
I wish you strength.