Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I found out my husband had an affair with a woman he works with. It started as an emotional affair and turned to physical. He chose our Thanksgiving trip to take to her out to dinner and then to a hotel. I had a gut feeling that he had cheated as he acted very cold and distant towards me our whole trip. I checked his computer when we got home and found proof of the emotional affair. It wasn't until a couple weeks into therapy that he confessed to the sexual affair. I was and am still heartbroken and in shock. He continued talked to her about a month after I found out. He has cut off all communication with her at this point. We have a 2 year old and are actively attending counseling. However, I do not feel the remorse. He keeps saying that the affair is the focus of counseling instead of the problems in our marriage. He sends mixed signals...he wants to reevaluate the relationship and at the same time planning for our future. I told him I don't feel he loves me and want to fight for us. I'm very confused and needed to talk/hear from people that have gone through this. It feels lonely.
Please don't confuse "love" with his lack of remorse. It is possible he doesn't really have the capacity to be honest or love another human being. He may not want to fight for your marriage if that means he has to face his own inadequacies and change himself. I found my ex did not want to change and he rather liked have a secret life and thinking he was in control of me and the marriage. He refused to change and his mistake was not realizing I wised up.
I also fought for years for our marriage, putting up with the lies (an affair is a lie), and the self absorption of my ex. It was always about him. And my focus was always on changing him and fixing our marriage. Until I had good counseling and realized my focus had to be on healing myself and growing emotionally myself. I blamed myself, I tried to be different to accommodate him as he demanded. That was my codependence. I would perhaps suggest you get individual counseling without him. Learn to see this situation with a different perspective.
Those mixed signals are meant to confuse you and maybe even to "control" you by keeping you wondering and focused on pleasing him. He may not know what he wants but isn't it better for you to figure out what you want? If you want an honest, healthy relationship, he may or may not be the guy for that. Listen to him and observe his behaviors instead of trying to push him to be different or trying to understand the nonsense out of his mouth. Maybe even stop expecting him to share your values and change. Take your time to work on the things you need for true emotional healing while observing him and listening to him. Then you will have clarity and can figure out what you want to do. How he is, his personality and character defects, are not your fault. It isn't about you as you, if I were his wife he would have cheated on me, and he'd be giving me mixed signals, too.
I still don’t feel my husband ever shows the remorse he should from his ‘mistake’ he calls it. We moved towns since then, and he even cut off contact from the girl.
But now years later she’s messaging him on Facebook again, and he doesn’t even block her.
That makes me feel all the hurt again. Not saying yours is the same, but I can’t even get mine to go to counseling