I noticed that you ask a lot of hypothetical questions.
I am curious to know why you are asking.

If it was a 'perfect world' they would give me complete respect, honesty, open discussion, compassion and lots of love ,and lovemaking) to make it up to me.

I think it's amazing we are even alive and conscious (and luckily top of the food chain), so to me it's still a pretty perfect world. I could be a dairy cow getting impregnated and my young killed and my milk stolen or I could be another factory farm animal. Life is still beautiful and lucky for us humans despite infidelity.

O,

For me there was no price high enough to earn the trust/love back.

The images of them too powerful, her loss of soul, the immoral time they spent together unforgiveable.

I can post at the end of the 2.4 yr R period she was in my eyes less human and more animal.

Lebe,

You so right, look without the EX W affair my present life would have never happened.

A miracle of the time.

I read others comments and in a perfect world no one would have to go through this sort of nonsense - i ask the questions i think others want to ask. I'm a curious person i guess.

O,

And they great questions, all of us has travelled this road of infidelity.

Some to walk on roses some to walk on glass but we all have our own individual experience burned into our souls.

No disrespect - but how does your current GF feel about your continued delving into your wive's infidelity?

she doesnt mind - she was cheated on as well so any healing is viewed as a positive thing.

Sandy,

Same for my wife of 32 yrs, she thinks of EX W as some loathsome creature of the night.

In a perfect world, the CS would recognize how his actions devastated his family, his credibility and vow that he would spend the rest of his life making sure he would never do this again.

I understand how powerful infidelity is. I was unsuccessful in repairing my marriage, but if he said the above, it would have gone along way in repairing the damage he caused. He chose to go to her because it was easier at the time, now he regrets it and is unhappy.

I can forgive the infidelity, but I cannot forgive the disrespectful way he trashed me and my children afterwards. He still blames me, he tries to hurt me. He has burned and blew up his bridges with me.

Surviving and thriving after he left was the best revenge, even if I was faking it for a while. I have grown in unimaginable ways and emerged,,like the Phoenix from the ashes, a more beautiful woman.

Cheating doesn't happen in a perfect world.

You asked: "what would be your criteria for them to gain all our trust back so that you could move past all of this? "

Who are you asking about gaining our trust back, our cheating spouse or humanity?

With our cheating spouses, what they have to do to get our trust back is take responsibility, be open, be remorseful, and be transparent. It just kind of click and all the sudden you stop monitoring, worrying and let it go and trust that your gut will pick the crap up again if they truly have not changed.

Case in point, go over to Cheater's Anonymous and read some of the posts. You will feel something totally different in the posts from those who get it (Gabrielle, Impano) from those still justifying and blame shifting.

That being said, I am going to go out on a limb. My 2 bit internet interpretation of several of your questions and writings is that you would love to see some signs your wife gets it and is popping out of the fog., so you could rebuild what you had. Thus, I hope you are not jumping into a new relationship before sufficiently ending your old one?

Gain ALL trust back?
NEVER!

3 criteria to move forward:
1) Undeniable evidence that the BUBBLE / FOG / ILLUSION is completely destroyed and all rationalizations along with it.

2) BOUNDARIES - A perimeter fence to prevent any future risk of an Affair. For examples:
a) Never ever one-on-one interaction with anyone of the opposite gender at work.
b) Never any friend of the opposite gender.
c) GPS and Cell Phone tracking.
d) Checking in every 1-2 hours.
e) Divorce or post-nup agreement.
...Like a ex-convict on parole.

3) Fair Compensation - Not financial of course.
In short, she needs to dedicate all her time & effort to make up to her BS. For me, I'm using the book, "His Needs, Her Needs: How to Affair-Proof your Marriage" where we've identified our Top 5 Emotional Needs and she must meet mine consistently, daily, no exceptions. This is a 2-way process, so she gets her top 5 in return, but for now, it is mixed in with bursts of anger/depression due to Triggers and Obsession.

Oxytosin
- More on this later...

Wow
Built. Will she ever submit to the Nazi State you will form?? Lol

Won't that exhaust you? Better just hire a PI , or move on and find a woman you CAN trust.

Love to know what else you have in store for your CS... :)

Submitted and enjoying it. Thanking God for getting this opportunity.

Plan B - Exit Strategy is ready to put in motion. Already divorced. Technically there is nothing that binds, except the emotions of the heart.