Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Since this whole nightmare started I have been confiding in my mother in law for support. She is very understanding and loving and has always been the kind of person you can vent to, but she won't hold it against you or anyone else, and in the end she is just there for you- but her opinion of people would never changed based off of what you say.
I thought she was my safe zone-- how retarded.
She is hurting tonight, going to a funeral of a friend who died too soon, so she got hammered--- and when my husband called to check on her-- she went off on him, about what an ass he is, and how much of a slut his new girlfriend is, and how i deserve better and she doesn't know him or didn't raise him to be this way... not that all of those things aren't her right to say, but somehow I feel like this is my fault-- should I have really shown her the OW's facebook page, where a nice picture of my husband and her are on display? And is that my fault that it upset my mother in law? Or is it the OW's fault for being insensitive that she is dating a married man and that pictures are public and hurtful to family members...
I know I made a mistake... and I love my mother in law dearly... I often talk to her more than my own mom and we joke about her finding me a man that will treat me like I deserve... she wants me to be her roommate... I confided to her things that I thought would stay between us, like how the OW had been raped-- but she evidentally totally threw that in my H's face too...
Everyday its like the yarn unravels more and more... as we head down a road that I fear is a point of no return... my husband tells me I have our friends and family, and he has no one... but that isn't really the case because I don't like confiding in people when things like this happen...
I did back off this week of confiding with people, but it still caused great pain to someone I love dearly... and I know its also a lot of other things like her other son being in jail and all of this other stuff... I was wrong to unload my broken heart on her already broken one..
I did start writing in a journal again this week... that is helping.. and I have an appointment with a new counselor at the end of the month... I haven't seen my husband in about two weeks... and I think I am ready to suggest a full blown separation... meaning no contact with eachother unless absolutely neccessarry (like how he has to help me renew my military ID on Oct 2nd)...
I don't know to let go... I am at this stage now, if he does call or he does come around that I want to talk about it... beat him over the head with my emotions.. with my heartache... I think for me, its not that he had an affair... its that he is still doing it... that to me says, I don't love you enough to stop... you are worth being faithful to.. and I know I am... I know I deserve better... so I do think, for now... get out of my face... get out of my life... lets be done...
I can't help that with every broken piece of my heart I still love him... perhaps in time that too will go away.... he has a lot of problems... he needs to work out his issues... and I need to move on with my life and be around a man who treats me better...
I guess I am just venting... and perhaps heeding warning... if i had found this site day 1 I would have known not to tell our family and friends.. and sometimes, that seems like one of the biggest hurdles that we can't get over... we may be able to forgive and learn and forget... other people not so much...
I thought she was my safe zone-- how retarded.
She is hurting tonight, going to a funeral of a friend who died too soon, so she got hammered--- and when my husband called to check on her-- she went off on him, about what an ass he is, and how much of a slut his new girlfriend is, and how i deserve better and she doesn't know him or didn't raise him to be this way... not that all of those things aren't her right to say, but somehow I feel like this is my fault-- should I have really shown her the OW's facebook page, where a nice picture of my husband and her are on display? And is that my fault that it upset my mother in law? Or is it the OW's fault for being insensitive that she is dating a married man and that pictures are public and hurtful to family members...
I know I made a mistake... and I love my mother in law dearly... I often talk to her more than my own mom and we joke about her finding me a man that will treat me like I deserve... she wants me to be her roommate... I confided to her things that I thought would stay between us, like how the OW had been raped-- but she evidentally totally threw that in my H's face too...
Everyday its like the yarn unravels more and more... as we head down a road that I fear is a point of no return... my husband tells me I have our friends and family, and he has no one... but that isn't really the case because I don't like confiding in people when things like this happen...
I did back off this week of confiding with people, but it still caused great pain to someone I love dearly... and I know its also a lot of other things like her other son being in jail and all of this other stuff... I was wrong to unload my broken heart on her already broken one..
I did start writing in a journal again this week... that is helping.. and I have an appointment with a new counselor at the end of the month... I haven't seen my husband in about two weeks... and I think I am ready to suggest a full blown separation... meaning no contact with eachother unless absolutely neccessarry (like how he has to help me renew my military ID on Oct 2nd)...
I don't know to let go... I am at this stage now, if he does call or he does come around that I want to talk about it... beat him over the head with my emotions.. with my heartache... I think for me, its not that he had an affair... its that he is still doing it... that to me says, I don't love you enough to stop... you are worth being faithful to.. and I know I am... I know I deserve better... so I do think, for now... get out of my face... get out of my life... lets be done...
I can't help that with every broken piece of my heart I still love him... perhaps in time that too will go away.... he has a lot of problems... he needs to work out his issues... and I need to move on with my life and be around a man who treats me better...
I guess I am just venting... and perhaps heeding warning... if i had found this site day 1 I would have known not to tell our family and friends.. and sometimes, that seems like one of the biggest hurdles that we can't get over... we may be able to forgive and learn and forget... other people not so much...
You sound like you have a really close relationship with your mil. So sharing all of your feelings and what you know about the A would probably be pretty natural for you. Of course sometimes in hindsight we wish we would have left a thing or two out. But you are only human and we do things in moment that we might regret later. I don't think their was anything wrong with seeking comfort from your mil, you certainly didn't have anything to do with your H bad choices. None of this is your fault. It all would have come out eventually anyway.
But you are right in that some family members and friends won't be as forgiving as we are. My H and I are doing better. It has been so hard! I am thankful that all family members on both sides that know are treating him as they always did. So we are greatful for that.
Nothing about a situation like this is easy. And you can't just turn your feelings for him off. But do put yourself first. Try to think of your future and what is best for you. You do deserve to be treated with respect and love. Hugs!!
L~
So don't sweating it anymore... I do have a special relationship with my MIL and even he can't take that away from me.
She tongue lashed HER SON not you husband. He earned that frm his mother for disappointing her with his despicable actions. You've done nothing wrong and are guilty of no moral injustices or poor choices.
The ongoing A must be so very painful. I'm sorry you are going throuh this. Keep journaling and loking for ways t heal your life.
As for a separation...not to sound harsh, but what are you waiting for? If he's still carrying on the affair then he clearly is not interested in reconciliation. That's not to say it can't still happen at some point. But seriously, it doesn't really matter how much you love him at this point. If he had any intention at this point of working things out with you the affair would be OVER. If I was you I would cut off all contact with him unless he cuts off all contact with HER. He will continue to disrespect you as long as you allow it. Separate. Get counseling. Pray for him, pray for reconciliation...or pray for the comfort and strength to deal with a divorce if that's what ends up happening.
So sorry for the pain you and your family are having to endure. If only our spouses and their affair partners would stop to consider all the pain and damage that their thoughtless, selfish actions cause... :-(
sending support and hugs though because i know you stilll love him alot
sending support and hugs though because i know you stilll love him alot
sending support and hugs though because i know you stilll love him alot