Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
A little backstory: I was begging him for answers as to how everything unravelled so quickly. We were separated but still considered ourselves married and were actively pursuing a reconcilation. Lots of therapy, communication. Then suddenly it all went to the dogs. That's when the lightbulb went on and I remembered how if felt to be cheated on.
I received a very cold, almost threatening email stating no more communication unless it was for legal/business purposes. It was written by someone else. He used to have me draft his responses to his ex all the time.
I talked to my therapist and she said, why does he get to decide what you email? and I thought yeah. No kidding. He refuses to admit to the other woman but he doesn't deny it either. Admitting it would mean that he became what he hated most: a cheater.
So, I emailed him this (please read and tell me I didn't make a big mistake):
Dear Husband,
1. Do not ever have someone else draft an email for you. Remember who used to do that for you.
2. I am still your lawfully wedded wife and you are still my husband and if I need answers to help understand what happened, I am entitled to ask.
3. You cheated on me. You found someone else and you were using everything and anything to throw at me to get out of your commitment to me. All of the problems we had been working through became bigger and badder. Remember the lingo? "clogged filter" ring a bell?
4. Do you recall that we were both cheated on? Did you not think I would recognize the signs? Do you remember how horrible it was to beg Chere for the truth and not get it?
5. You have become no better than **** (his 1st wife) or **** (my first husband).
6. I am not threatening you, I'm not putting you in a position where you should feel unsafe. I am just your wife looking for resolution.
7. I am sorry that my emails upset you, but this is the price of adultery. You are on the other side now.
8. When can I expect the tax information? When can I expect the divorce information? When can I expect the information on my jewelry for the insurance?
Sincerely,
Still your wife,
wrong country
I received a very cold, almost threatening email stating no more communication unless it was for legal/business purposes. It was written by someone else. He used to have me draft his responses to his ex all the time.
I talked to my therapist and she said, why does he get to decide what you email? and I thought yeah. No kidding. He refuses to admit to the other woman but he doesn't deny it either. Admitting it would mean that he became what he hated most: a cheater.
So, I emailed him this (please read and tell me I didn't make a big mistake):
Dear Husband,
1. Do not ever have someone else draft an email for you. Remember who used to do that for you.
2. I am still your lawfully wedded wife and you are still my husband and if I need answers to help understand what happened, I am entitled to ask.
3. You cheated on me. You found someone else and you were using everything and anything to throw at me to get out of your commitment to me. All of the problems we had been working through became bigger and badder. Remember the lingo? "clogged filter" ring a bell?
4. Do you recall that we were both cheated on? Did you not think I would recognize the signs? Do you remember how horrible it was to beg Chere for the truth and not get it?
5. You have become no better than **** (his 1st wife) or **** (my first husband).
6. I am not threatening you, I'm not putting you in a position where you should feel unsafe. I am just your wife looking for resolution.
7. I am sorry that my emails upset you, but this is the price of adultery. You are on the other side now.
8. When can I expect the tax information? When can I expect the divorce information? When can I expect the information on my jewelry for the insurance?
Sincerely,
Still your wife,
wrong country
Not sure what the deal is with the jewelry but if you let him do it he will. So what he is angry no one really cares. You don't have to be mean about it you have asked nicely and he replied. Now if you want half (that will probably go to the lawyer) get one if you really don't care leave it be and him too. Just getting the letter from the lawyer may be enough to get him moving OR (and this is what you should probably do) file for you divorce and request the money back in the divorce that way you are not paying a lawyer twice. Keep ALL these messages, text, voice-mail you sent to him and his reply. Just file the divorce and get all your ducks in a row (this jewelry thing, the tax refund, ect.) and let him move on and you do the same. If he has resulted to name calling and worse it time to move on. If you can get in writing, that you gave him this information while you were still together that will be a plus.
I'm not responding to anything further. It was foolish of me to email him.