Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

4,945 Members

18,074 Posts

0 Online

amethyst80 01/02/2009

Long story short, my H had an affair back in May '08. The OW is having a baby. 50 % chance it could be my H or her H's. Won't know anything until it is born in like 21 days or sooner. But my reason for posting today, is my H and I have been working on us, so far it has been going really good, like nothing ever happend, but it did and I still have my down days. On new years eve we were talking and he said something that melted my heart. He said he was going to do every thing he could to prove to me that he deserves my love. At the time I totaly believe he was being truthful, but a part of me is asking if he is just telling me what he thinks I want to hear. Is he just stringing me alone. I hate when I am unsure.
I have one more question for all of you that can put yourselfs in my shoes. My H said that if the OW never contacts him about the baby, then he would asume it is not his. Should I be ok with out knowing for sure that my H might have a little bastard out there? Should I allow that rain cloud to be hanging over our heads for the rest of our relationship?

Blindsidedagain 01/02/2009

No, I don't think your husband is just saying that....and I have been betrayed myself. IMO, that is not something most people lie about. Now, he may not do everything he could, but I think he feels that way.
Regarding the child, you need to know as difficult as that is.
If you don't receive a phone call, you will wonder anyway.
You need to have proof, one way or the other so you know what you are dealing with.

deleted_user 01/02/2009

My husband is GREAT in the way of rebuilding our marriage. He is trying so hard, but sometimes I still question if he really is telling me that because it comes from his heart...or because if I hear it, it'll make his life easier????

You need to have a DNA test on that baby, regardless if the OW EVER contacts you. It would be alwful in 5 years you get a notice in the mail asking your husband for a DNA test...find out the baby is his and then get nailed with 5 years back child support.

There is a support group for this problem I'm not sure of the name but it was started by jaeW...She has been there and that woman is amazing in how she handles things, Please look her up!!

Best of luck to you!!

amethyst80 01/02/2009

I am already a member in JeaW support group, yes they are an amazing help. I want to know about they baby, but my H does not. He figures if she doesn't contact him, then it is not his. He also know that if it is his our marriage is over. I can not deal with that, I'm not that strong. I know my limits.

deleted_user 01/02/2009

No, its not ok. Get DNA done.

I am a "little bastard". Get it done.

reil64 01/02/2009

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I know the unsure feelings you're talking about, wondering they mean what they say now, after all the lies anf deception. I hate that feeling too.

My wife thought she was pregnant and was trying to have sex with me to make it look like it was mine if she was. But, she didn't know that I was already onto her affair.

So I know the gut wrenching feeling of discovering something like that and then waiting for the results.

I would definitely get a DNA test. Another thing I made my wife do if she wanted to stay with me was get tested for STDs.

I wish you luck with this.

Reil

deleted_user 01/04/2009

My H's first Whore might be carrying his baby. Since he is now on his second Whore in 5 months, and I filed divorce Dec 23, dont know if he will even do a DNA test or what. I asked my lawyer, because for my peace of mind, I need to know, but lawyer said nothing I can do legally to find out about it. Since my H is not talking to any of his family, I dont even know if they will be able to find out and tell me. They are still my family. We are very close. He has chosen to abandon me, our kids, and all of his family. Complete personality change due to drugs and alcohol and him becoming a cheating asshole. Anyhow, if your H is home and trying, be wary, but you have to trust to a point if you want your marriage. It should be all about you, if you want to know about the baby, tell him. He can insist on dna results. Then the 2 of you decide what to do. Good luck to you .

jarrettg 01/04/2009

Focus on you and not the other woman..if it is his then it is his problem not yours. Also I am adopted and have never known my father..the "little bastard" comment is a little harsh...I can't help who my parents were and comments like hurt people you don't even know...."a bastard !" but one of the kindness person I know...

deleted_user 01/04/2009

I think the term "little bastard" is a bit harsh for a child who had no choice in the matter. But I do understand because I faced a similar situation with my husband early on in our relationship. Fortunaltly she lied about the pregnancy. If she had been pregnant with his child I believe I would've left and never looked back.

deleted_user 01/04/2009

I is not the childs fault. Bastard is a word to be used on your husband not some child.
I don't know how this would affect one way or the other if you stay. You are trying to work it out. You know it might be his. It is not as if you are going to be surprised by the news.
Give yourself and this child a break, you neither one asked for this TRASHY shit to be brought into your life.

amethyst80 01/05/2009

I'm sorry if the term "little Bastard" upset some of you. But, the term fits. It was not ment to hurt anyone on here. I just wanted to say that.

deleted_user 01/05/2009

You should find out if that innocent baby is his or not. Just remember if it is... it is not the baby's fault its you Husbands. So please don't be one of those insecure women that take it out on an innocent child. I can't stand that. I always had step parents in my life. I always thought it was wrong when someone would get treated wrong because of the parents choices. Remember that. Just because it is coming out of her uterus doesn't mean it deserves to have a hard life.

amethyst80 01/05/2009

If it is his baby, I am leaving. Just for those very reasons. I want that kid to have everything it deserves and that includes a father, who doesn't have to question if he is hurting his wife everytime he see it. I really don't see how it will work if I stay, it will always remind me of the A, and for everyone involed mainly me it would just be better to disappear and have the life I deserve as well.

deleted_user 01/05/2009

I do understand, I don't think that I could stay if it happened to me. That may be why your husband doesn't want to know.
But if that is what it takes to give you peace of mind then it should happen.
I will Pray for your sake that it is not his child.
God Bless and Good Luck

deleted_user 01/05/2009

i would be okay if she never called...bec if her h is put on the birth cert...that is good just like a adoption...
as for you guys....only time and action will show you if he is manipulating you or being honest...
believe every action and not so much what he says and see if they line up...they should.....
he may also be scared the kid is his and what will happen to the 2 of you if it is his and are you ready for visitation....hopefully it is her husbands...better for everyone including the baby....

Join the Conversation