Jeez this is complicated. My husband and I have been separated off and on for the past 3 years. He withheld emotion from the very beginning (married 30 years). He takes very little responsibility for anything that went wrong and makes me feel guilty. I feel like I was never good enough for him or his family and they have been disconnected for a very long time (my fault) because we didn't get along. I was on anti depressants for a good 15 years thinking there was something wrong with me but I'm pretty sure it was from no emotional support from him. He was a workaholic. I felt abandoned and invisible. He says we both shut down. 7 months ago I connected with a man on Fb. I moved out of the house with hubby thinking maybe I should just move on. Hubby and I were still dating (?) seeing each other but not living together. I was seeing a therapist and so was he but we were not seeing a marriage counselor. The "other man" lived in Phoenix and I was so impressed by how well we clicked I had to meet him so I flew out. He is not a great looking man but he is so thoughtful and caring and he is very in touch and helpful with working out my feelings about hubby and being single. He is always sending me affirmative posts and sayings about moving on making choices. He feeds my need for validation. He has always been there for me to talk to and the visit went well. I have been out 3 times total. Hubby was aware of these visits but never showed me any emotion about anything. I have considered moving out there but have been torn because my daughters and grand children live here and I have a decent job. Hubby recently took a road trip on his motorcycle to California to see his parents, On the way out he stopped in Vegas and met up with a bartender from his work. She is a lesbian and was there with her girlfriend but "they" Zip lined the Stratosphere from 108 floors up. I have been so hurt by this because I have wanted to have monumental experiences with him since like, forever but it never happened. I felt like I wasn't good enough. I have been crying for days thinking about what to do. I have cut ties with the "other man", deleted all posts he has sent me and took his ph # out of my cell. I realized that I love my husband very much and possibly this act is exactly what I needed to happen. I have thought about what to do and have decided I have to fight for him. I know I can't fix anything, can't rescue anything but I have to give 100% to him to let him know I am committed to making things work. These are going to take some hard choices on my part, I called his parents to tell them I was sorry and that I was going to try and save my marriage. I have never called them before, not in 30years. I called his sister but had to leave a voice mail and asked her to return my call...told her I loved her brother and was willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild. Sorry but she is the most hypocritical Christian woman you will ever meet and I'm sure doesn't want her brother to have any part in me but I want him to see that I am serious about this and will do what ever it takes to offer to build a relationship with her. She may or may not accept it but I have to try. I was reactive in our marriage and not proactive. It was wrong. I just need some kind of feedback. I am feeling like I'm nuts, lost, unsure, hurt and I'm overwhelmed with guilt and sorrow for hurting my husband through another man. I also feel bad about the other man hoping that we would have a future together but I have to put my husband first. Possibly for the first time in our marriage. Any thoughts would be appreciated.