Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

4,945 Members

18,074 Posts

0 Online

justmeandmyself1975 04/27/2016

So my wife cheated on me multiple times, last time was when I was back from deployment to see my Mother in Hospice. I decided at the time to stay for my 3 kids, so they wouldn't experience the revolving door of men sleeping with mom like I had to. But this time is different the pain and hurt isn't going away. I stay angry all the time and can't enjoy things I use to enjoy. Its been 5 and half years now, I cheated myself twice after her last one, just to see what it was all about, I didn't feel any better or worse, just nothing really. I completely shut myself down to get me through the rest of the deployment, but haven't allowed myself to open back up to feel anything for her, but its starting to affect everything else. So the marriage counselor said I should stay for my kids, one in college now and the other two are teens. Didn't want to be a weekend Dad, I love my kids so much and didn't want leave them, cause I know I wouldn't get custody being the man and sole income. Talked to a lawyer and they said unless you have video proof, your gonna be on the losing side. So what now? I'm I just tearing myself down everyday worth it? My best friend was my wife, parents are gone and no siblings no one to talk to. Looking for some advise. Maybe someone that has been through it all before. Should I break ties now before my financials get too fluffy?

gravinggirl 04/27/2016

Is there a reason you think you could not have a 50/50 custody arrangement, especially if you live close to each other? I have investigated dissolution/divorce, and I am told the courts like to see equal parenting time unless one parent is unfit or lives far away.

lookingforclosure 04/28/2016

You can't stop her revolving door. Not unless you're going to follow her every minute of the day and issue her a chastity belt. But, you don't want to do that, and she isn't going to cooperate, either. So, she's setting the example of how she wants to be. You're trying to stay in the marriage to set an example to your kids - but that becomes impossible, when her behavior is steadily breaking you down. You cheated twice "just to see what it was all about"? Come on, man...you can be a stable parent on your own. Right now, you're showing the kids that you accept her behavior, and have even followed her example yourself. Not seeing your kids every day sucks, but unless she is working on the marriage, it erodes away everything that you are, to the point that even if you're with your kids, you're not really there. I hate not being in my kids' daily lives, but I think you'll find that when you're separated from your kids, you tend to make the most of the time you do have with them. Financially, talk with your lawyer. How long you've been in, what state you're in, how long you've been married all gets factored in....

StormPetrel 04/28/2016

I think you need to pull yourself together and stop reacting to everything.
That is what you are doing. Take control. Decide what you want. Then go after it.

Your kids are old enough now; you can have a talk with them. You can do family counseling to help them with the divorce. Be an example of integrity and strong moral character for them.

What you allow will continue. Nothing is going to change unless you make some changes.

You are miserable now but you don't have to stay miserable. Make a plan for your life, get a good lawyer, talk with your kids and go for it!

justmeandmyself1975 04/28/2016

Thanks for the advice all!

Join the Conversation