Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
i don’t want to get too detailed but I found out he cheated. Once. Apologized. Deleted and blocked her. But it’s also his coworker. Is there anyway anyone has ever dealt with a cheater and then made it work out ? I hear stories that it brings the couple closer together and made the relationship better in the end. I was wondering what I can do or he or we can do to make this work so we both can heal. I’m very vocal and he’s very internalized with his emotions so I don’t know what to do at this point. I’m really worried that I’m going to ruin it if I don’t have a logical plan. And I know that everyone says take care of you and bla bla I’m tired of hearing that.
He needs to work on his triggers, find out why he did it, be completely transparent with you - passwords etc.
ideally he is going to therapy.
And everyone is telling you to take care of you- because it’s true.
Changing jobs would be a good start but if they want to be together, they will be. People cheat because they want to. It's a choice.
Your H has to chose you. So he needs to account for his whereabouts at all times, allow you to track him, provide passwords, etc. AND you still need to hide a voice recorder in his car, and figure out a back up way to track him.
If you find out he is still lying and cheating, you need to have a plan. Cheaters do understand consequences. Do not be afraid to deliver up consequences.
Find out what you can about his slut. Tell her H, her family, etc. Affairs are able to thrive because of secrecy, so let the sunshine in! It's not your secret.
Expose them. You can be anonymous if you want.
Before you open your heart to this man, be sure he is remorseful and committed to you and your marriage. Therapy is essential for him. Do not waste your time in marriage counseling until later. You can decide if you want to accept any blame for your relationship. This is what MCs do. They place fault on the marriage.
I can tell you I do less now in our reconciled marriage than I did when he was cheating. He's happy, not complaining, and has ended it with his slut.
It wasn't our relationship that drove him to cheat. That is total crap.
If you are going to have a better relationship, it's going to be because your H is going to work hard to be a better husband.
Once? You said he cheated once? No, that is not true. That is all he is willing to admit to.
He's an accomplished liar and it appears that you caught him rather than him ending it and confessing.
Therefore you have no certainty that he remorseful at all and could just be trying to minimize the consequences for himself.
No contact is necessary and he needs to be the one to pursue counseling and resources to help you heal. If he doesn't or if you have to threaten him before he does you can be certain he hasn't changed and further adultery is in the cards for the future.
From the "Newly Betrayed Post" you can gauge his remorsefully from his actions in next few weeks/months.
If he puts up resistance to NC, to accountability of his whereabouts, his social media, and his phone/devices then you can be certain he has more secrets to hide. If he takes no interest in seeking help to change or simple believes that he doesn't have to then he is not safe to continue a relationship. Does he resist counseling for you/him/or as a couple?
If he wants this to work he needs to do WORK. Not just a week of work and back to our normal life.
I would still contact a lawyer and find out your options. Even draw up divorce papers and keep them in a safe place.
Get your ducks in a row in case this goes sideways.
Go on dates... spend time together. Do not let other people encroach on your time. Make each other a priority