I have been in this marriage for 14 years and for most of those years, my husband has been verbally and emotionally abusive. When I met him, I did not know that he had a daughter until he was going to move in and I found out that he had left her with his soon to be exwife who was not her biological mother. We then got married and have 2 sons. He has only been physically abusive to my son once that I am aware of, but he yells at them and give lectures that literally sometimes last an hour. This is not what I wanted for my kids.
I have to admit that I had an affair about 4 years ago. I was the one who confessed and begged and pleaded and did counceling to keep the marriage together. I know that what I did was extremely wrong and I make no excuses for my behavior. My husband forgave me and the part that I find very strange, is that he knows that I talk to the man and sometimes even has be go to the man's work to pick up parts for him. He also wants to hire the man to do some work in our house. When I try to diswade him from hiring the man, he told me that he doesn't understand why everyone thinks that he has a problem with him. Why won't he??????
Last summer, I found an email account of my husbands that had accidentally been left open on the computer and the email was between my husband and a man that he had gotten in contact with on craigslist from the men seeking men section. I confronted him and he promised that he would never have met the man in person, that he was just curious what would make a man do that. I struggled very hard to forgive him and stayed with him. Then about 4 weeks ago, I was going through the cookies on the home computer because we have a 12 year old that is on the computer and I want to make sure of what sites he is going to, and I found gay porn on the computer. I confronted my husband, because he has had a problem with porn, and I got an excuse that it had just came up when he was searching for something else and then he called me back an hour later with another excuse neither one of which are possible as I tried to make it come up the way that he said it happened. I feel extremely worthless and humiliated and I can't trust him. Last night, when I walked in the room, he closed the laptop quickly and put it down. He gets up very early in the morning even though he doesn't have to go to work for several hours. I don't know if it is because he wants the house to himself to look and that crap or what. I have no desire to have sex because I am not sure it is me that he wants. He also makes no effort before hand to make it romantic, it is just wham bam. I don't know how to keep living like this.