Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Here’s my story and I need some help. I’m 37yr old female on my 3rd marriage. We just had our 5yr anniversary and I found out approximately 9months after we were married that my husband was unfaithful to me the entire time we were dating/living together/ and those 9 months and only stopped when I caught him at that 9months. He said it was only explicit messages and nothing ever went physical. I didn’t deal with all of this then, I should have and now I’ve lost 75 pounds and have a new found confidence, I feel like I was duped into marrying him. Of course I would have never committed to such a man if I would have known he was not faithful. We are currently in counseling and I don’t want to lose my best friend, I just don’t think I can get past this...anyone have any thoughts? He’s been nothing but good to me since but I thought he was good to me then too.
It would have been easier to end it at the 9 month mark.
In any case I doubt that it was just pictures or that it was limited to the amount of times that you caught him.
You don't trust him and you think that he is just acting because he doesn't seem to have changed from before. The fact is that serial cheaters are unlikely to change.
Your assumption is that once you caught him he just stopped. If he had that willpower and character to do this he would have on his own.
It is more likely that he hid his affairs and cheating better and that you wanted to believe that he had stopped cheating and possibly ignored signs.
Now that you are gaining confidence you are starting to question him again as you feel strong enough to be without him. I only say this because you've been married 3 times now and likely have a fear of being alone.
Did he take full ownership of his affairs, repent, and seek professional help to change? Did he open up all his accounts and phone to you and answer all your questions full and honestly?
Now you are actually dealing with it after 4 years and you have to reopen the wound to treat it. It's like starting from scratch because the last 4 years weren't spent dealing with the pain and to rebuild trust. Likely that resentment built up during that time period as well.
It's hard because you describe him as a serial cheater. It is hard to feel safe in a relationship with someone who has had a pattern of betrayal and lying as far back as the beginning of the relationship.
Another issue that is usually uncovered in counseling is the root of his poor character, coping, communication and cheating. Unless you figure out the root of the selfishness and limited empathy it is difficult to grow and change.
You look great now. You feel great about yourself.
Your H is a lying serial cheater who you never would have married, had you known this about him.
So . . . what's the question?