Your last question is pretty complicated and it's all part of the shit sandwich betrayed spouses much swallow when they have children with a cheater.

That being said, it might be time to speak to an attorney to find out what your rights are in this case. If your wife is spending time away from the kids to be with her affair partner you might be able to use this against her. The key is to document when that happens. Again, an attorney might be able to advise you better.

Doesn't sound like you have a wife that's all in. Sounds like she's just biding her time until whatever moment she deems perfect with this guy or maybe another down the road. If she was truly remorseful, she would understand your need of full transparency.

Also-trust your gut. It is right almost 100% of the time. Sometimes we let our logical brain talk us out of what we instinctively know is wrong because we don't trust our natural instincts. That almost never works out.

If you think you are ready to divorce a great no-nonsense look at cheating is found at www.chumplady.com. It's not just for women. Plenty of men in chump nation. Come check it out!

From your story, I think you have stayed in this marriage way way too long. I think she's got you to such a low point that you feel you will lose the majority of time with your kids. But, if you've properly kept an account of her infidelity, I'd think the most she could get is half the time with them. You have a right to the other half. Unless there are things hidden in your closet that you haven't mentioned, I really don't see how she could get away with anything more than 50%. So I would settle on that and get out. This is not a marriage. She has clearly taken full advantage of you. And you've allowed it. You've allowed her to do this over and over again. So now, lay the gauntlet down. Get out and start living again. And to add to that, I bet your kids will actually like the new, free, happy dad 50% of the time verses the stressed, sad dad all the time.

Yeah you have stuck with that cheating liar for way too long. You deserve better. I'm regarding a divorce, I do not see how she could get anything more than 50% custody because she doesn't have a job and she is the one that cheated one you. You would need proof of her cheating at any time in the relationship. I am getting a feeling that you would get full custody. I would go talk to a lawyer immediately. In regards of her not wanting a divorce, why would she? Right now,she can have her cake and eat it too. You are there to support her financially and give her a comfy cozy life while she can go and fuck around on you and you won't leave! It's a win win for her! The type of person that she is will never leave you until a better situation comes up for her and you are giving her a very cozy sitiation. You deserve better, so much better than that. Get out and get out quickly.

thank you for all your thoughts...

K.Sprizzle, you are right. The later we file a divorce, the better for my wife. Either way, she has nothing to lose other than me. She is entitled to half of all my assests and I'll still have to pay her alimony after divorce. To be honest, I don't mind that...she has been a good mom to the kids. The problem I think is on the pathetic me.....I want to see my kids everyday.

Did you expose your CS? Kid, family AP wife... If not you gave her no reason to. Nobody but you knows. That will give her the push to commit or move out. Have a plan.. Doing nothing is like giving her the key to the city...

If I am wrong about that please clarify

Thanks for your comment, Cali,
I did not tell my kids, I don't want them to have a negative impression on their mom. She is a very caring mom

I did not tell my family..my mom has firey temper. I don't want any drama in front of my kids

I know where the wife of my wife's AP works... but I have not told her, I don't want her to go through the same pain I'm going through..I don't want to break up another family

I did tell her parents. Her parents acknowledged their daughter is wrong, apologized to me, but I don't think there's much they can do. My wife won't tell her parents if she is seeing her AP

I did tell my friends who gave me tremendous support

With the two of them both stay at home spouses, they have all the time to do anything they want and it would be very hard for anybody to track...so Cali, whoever knows about their affair may not necessary an enough deterrence to stop them ??

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. Your actions, or lack of them, is commendable. Your concern for your children, and not wanting to impact them in any way, says a lot about you.

And this brings me to you. A person in your position does not deserve what is happening to them, and because she is not being honest and transparent with you, in time, it will cause you insurmountable grief, if it hasn't already, not knowing what's really going on. This will impact your psyche, which in turn, impacts your well-being, and that of your children, as children know a lot more than we give them credit for; they're like sponges.

May I recommend that you go and see a therapist, on your own, in order to have someone to talk to about your situation. Sometimes hashing it out with someone who is professionally trained, can help in ways that we are not aware of. I also told no one of my H's infidelity, other than my doctor and a lovely therapist I found, and talking to her about it, is what has kept me sane through all of it, as my CS did not have the emotional maturity or mental capacity to help me through my grief, or even talk about what happened and why.

Many therapists, especially recent grads, offer sliding-scale therapy sessions, which make them a little more affordable, and if you have a benefits plan through work, it may cover some of the cost. Mine was a Relational Psychotherapist and I've found this style of psychotherapy to be most helpful.

What your wife has with him, the OM, she may think of as love, but it's a false positive. If she were free to be with him, to feed and take care of him, her feelings towards him would run cold within months. She, like most CS's, are in a fog of illusions, it's not reality, and it's not sustainable, it's an addiction, like any drug or substance.

Often, when we do nothing, it enables others to do something, and I believe that may be what's happening here. She knows you won't do anything because of the children, making it easier for her to do as she sees fit. There may come a time when you feel the need to do something about it, and making an ultimatum to her would be acceptable. Sometimes we just have to tell them what we intend to do without doing it, and that can be enough to bring about some change. If she fears you will tell her AP's wife, etc., and she tells her AP this, it may be enough to make them both realize the damage they are causing everyone, for the sake of carnal pleasures.

I'm concerned that if she cannot realize this, the damage she's done to her family and the continued strain and grieft she's doling out, then she may not be as fit as you have led on; and what a poor example she is being to your children.

I wish you well.

Depending on what state you live in, the divorce laws will be different. I had a friend that got divorced in Texas (his wife cheated) and he got full custody of the children and doesn't have to pay her alimony. Talk to a lawyer and see exactly what you would have to do for her. Is it more pathetic to be free of someone who treats you like shit and you have to pay alimony to or to stay with someone who is cheating on you and treats you like shit? If it was me, I would hire a private investigator to follow her and see if she is still seeing the guy. I would talk to the other guy's wife (she deserves better than a husband that cheats on her for over 3 years) and I would talk to your family about it. I may even install hidden cameras in the house to see what she does during the day.

I wish you all of the best in this and you deserve better. I do truly hope that you know that.

bullshit!!!!

good mom's don't commit adultery and destroy their children's foundation

my kids were 12 and and 14 when their mamma burnt down the nest with a scumbag boyfriend

the 12 wanted 50/50 with me, the 14 less
i got a place as close to school as possible, so they could walk
AND fought for that custody,


your profile from 2012 says your kids are 8&5, what are their ages now

I have an 11 yr old boy and an 8 yr old princess.

The divorce law in the place I stay has a no-fault policy. My lawyer recommend me giving the house to her and pay her a alimony for 10 years. In return, I keep my small business so I can feed my kids.

To be honest, I don't really care if I have to give up everything. I just concern how the kids are going to handle the divorce. Will they be mad at me for moving out? as a result, will my bonding with them deteriorate? My kids are my top priorities, not my business,. If possible, I want to see them everyday.

Any fathers out their can share their experience?

Refurb,
How is your relationship with your kids after the divorce?
How did they handle the situation?