I have a daughter from a previous relationship, I live on a reservation. I am native american, and I think that may explain a little bit more on what I am dealing with.
My ex is an alcoholic, and was verbally abusive to me and my children. I left him for my honey i have now. a little bit of back ground.
Sunday my ex came by drunk. He has been drinking since he was a child very young, so quitting is not an option, he has tried. I give him credit for wanting to, just very hard to.
any how he came by to visit our daughter, since he was drinking I didn't allow him to take her, so he came and visit her and stayed well into the night. We finally got him to leave, and then the trouble started.
Me and my honey were taking some time away, he was gone when my ex showed up. When he got there my ex was there, I was in the room by myself of course, no sneak back rights for me. He accused me of having him there overnight while he was gone, and that I was sleeping with him. I told him I wasn't that he was there visiting his daughter, my cousin in law, (his brother who is with my cousin)
My ex and I have a daughter together,
His brother, is with my cousin. They live with me.
As the rez turns.
So on the story goes. I tried explaining all this to my honey, and we finally got to the point where everything was ok. My ex left and we were all fine until yesterday morning.
I woke up ready to start the day, and he was tired and still wanted to sleep, my honey wanted to go back to sleep, so I told him, my cousin and her man want to go to the clinic, and so I am going with them to get my glasses fixed, because on Monday evening we had a kick ball game going and I ran into my son face first, and smashed my glasses flat. So I was at the clinic with my cousin all Tuesday morning, as I wanted to save gas, and not use it all.
Well I am assuming that is why we argued when I returned later that morning, he was irritated with me and I was getting irritated at him also. Each morning I comb his hair and braid it, it's common for some native women should they choose to, to comb there mates hair. I like to as I don't want him to cut his hair, I like my man to have long hair. Well he was being short with me, and I am assuming it was because I didn't make contact with him all morning, by phone call or coming by.
He started with money, and he was irritated because I didn't buy a soda for him. I told him later I would buy him a pop.
The issue was, I think about you when I have money, why don't I get the same treatment. I got more irritated and I just threw the comb down and said comb your own hair and left him there telling him to go find him a woman who will do everything for him. Because whenever we argue he tells me he does everything like this and I don't do the same, I am selfish and don't think of him. I was so mad at this point that I just left without saying anything else. but today I feel guilty because he was trying to end the argument at one point and I just kept on staying mad. Trying to get my point across to him.
But I know in my heart the point of it is that my ex was there all day sunday, I was gone all day yesterday, so he is imagining I am messing around on him with my ex. lol. It's kind of funny that he thinks that, and I kind of am enjoying it to a point, because now he knows exactly what I was going through when he cheated on me, even though I have respect for myself and would never even think of cheating on him. But it kind of gives me a secret joy to see him going through the same turmoil I went through. I hope I am not wrong in my thinking.
I told him I couldn't do that to him, I love him and want to stay with him, and I am not sleeping with my ex, and that my heart belongs to him. There is a lot more to it than that, he cheated on me in August of last year with a younger lady. ugh! I can't stand the sight of her, she is awful. But I just am glad that my ex can be a part of his daughters life, and I think my honey needs to accept that even though my ex and I parted, we have a connection through our daughter, and have to communicate for our child sake and that is as far as it will go.
I love him and we are working through issues and I chose to forgive him, but trusting him is very hard for me.
He is at his mom's at this moment. I hope just taking a break. I can't call him there because he has no mins. on his phone, and his mom doesn't like me. (sad face, I really like his mom, we were friends before him and I got together, he's an only child). So I respect her boundaries and stay away when he is around his mom. idk maybe he is taking my advice and finding another woman to take care of him. Sometimes I say things I don't mean and then worry about it. But It will be my fault if he leaves me and I will hurt and cry but I will be ok. It's hard to say because he hasn't contacted me yet. I don't have mins on my phone either. He can only call me at work.
I know I am babbling and it's all hard to understand, but I am just venting. Thank you everyone. (smiles)