Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I just found out that my husband had been cheating on me with someone from his work while I was pregnant with our son who is now 6 weeks old. I had a feeling something was going on with him because he all of the sudden deleted his Facebook and changed his password on his phone. One night right before Christmas he went upstairs to get our kids ready for bed and left his phone in the kitchen with the screen unlocked. Something told me to look at his messages and I saw this woman’s name. I clicked on it and the things I read crushed me. AT one point she said she was mad that he “cheated on her” which resulted in me getting pregnant. I lost it, confronted him, and just broke down. I don’t know what to do now. I told him I would be willing to work on things but I can not get through an hour without thinking about it. What they did, how we were supposed to be the only ones forever, the lies, going back and replaying each day thinking about where he was really going, and so on. We have a 4 year old and a 6 week old and I don’t want to take their chances of having a family away but I can’t see myself getting over this. I guess I am looking for any advice on how to move on or if I even should try for the sake of my children.
You describe everything right all the feelings if pain disgust disbelieve etc. How could they cheat on us. But they did. The hardest for me was to realize that he jusy didn't have the same morals as me and to realize he risked my health and our sins health cause mine too cgeated when I was pregnant and cheaters don't use protection.
Please get STD tested asap.
Most important is that this is his fault and he is the one breaking up the family not you if you decide to leave.
What to do now. There's a good post out there for you to read just a few posts down.
It's so fresh there's no need to decide anything right now. It takes a few months for things to settle down.
Is your marriage saveble that's mainly up to him. You can't change him and you can't safe ur marriage alone.
There's strict rules for cheaters to gave a chance to save the marriage.
He needs to be remorsefull realize the pain he caused. Cut all ties with her and change jobs. He need to be transparent and give you all passwords and always tell you where he is and with who. He needs to get counseling to fix his issues.
If he says no to any than there's no hope. If he does all there is hope.
It's a long recovery proces. So many triggers. So hard to rebuilt trust. It's tough. It can be done but it's tough .
Take some time for urself. And get counseling for yourself. Take a night off with a good friend anything to lift you up.
Hugs
It is a horrible thing when a spouse cheats and even worse when children are dragged into it.
My only additional comment would be that you do not give him the sense that you will do anything to keep the marriage.
...that should be his job.
He seems remorseful and has done a lot to get away from her (switching areas at his job) but he also acts as if nothing has happened. Maybe that’s just him hoping this will go away. He has also agreed to go see a therapist but hasn’t made the appointment yet. He doesn’t want me to leave and wants to work on our marriage. He said he was having a hard time being a father and not being able to do things for himself anymore. He also claims he is different now. All of which I find stupid excuses. He knew what he was doing and he chose to do it. This girl is younger than me and, after two kids, looks better than I do so my self confidence is now at a zero. I can’t even look at myself anymore without crying. Ugh. I know time heals all wounds but this stinks.
first hand after D day my ex and i lived together for 2 months til i couldn't shake the feelings, my ex had surgery done and she decided to come clean to me the night before her surgery, to add insult to injury the day of her surgery while i was sitting there next to her she wasn't talking to me she was texting him. i made a lot of sacrifices for my kids who live with me primarily due to her work schedule and i live in an area with a better school district. my best advice and it worked for me is to stop wondering why he did what he did, to the best of your ability but to try and work on your own healing and figuring out how you can deal with the situation as best you can for your family
The rationale is that they have been proven to have poor coping and communication skills. This is a shared problem with cheaters and now they have to deal with a problem they can't escape from.
In order to grow they need to learn how to use empathy as a tool to help their spouses heal while at the same time deal with their own pain/issues/life in a healthy way instead of things like affairs and substances.
Those that realize their limitations in perspective will seek professional help to guide them in the first steps.
Even if your husband is truly remorseful it could be that this is the only way he knows how to manage this issue. He is ignoring it and hopes it will go away...even if it is illogical. Fear of losing everything and cowardice may be something he needs to confront.
I'm glad he appears renorsefull. Don't let your guards down. Let's see if he realizes how long this healing takes. He can't just act like nothing is going on. I find the days tgat we are acting all normal make me concerned tgat he "forgot" the pain he caused and I remind him.
It's a 2 year proces at minimum if he does everything right.
He cannot habe any contact with her ever. So it would have been better if he changed jobs.
It's common for B.S. to feel ashamed but we shouldn't.
Trust 2 person to talk to if you can. If they love you they will never judge you.
Last but not least. Give it some time if he's remorsegull. I have a little one and felt I needed to try for my son. So that I can held my head up high and feel I tried if things wouldn't work out down the road. If you feel you need to try than try it. But don't feel bad if a few months doen the road you can't keep going. You can step out at any time. I hope things wirk out for you. The site www.affairrecovery.com helped a lot.
Good your talking to a lawyer it's important to know ur options if it comes to a divorce.
Tell your best friend she will support you no matter what you decide if she's a good friend. As much as I understand the feeling of shame. There's nothing to be ashamed off it's not ur fault. And there is no shame in not finding out earlier cause we are just supposed to be able to trust our men not gave to check on them. It really helps to talk witb someone.
Tonight I have a bad night myself. I will never be able to wrap my head arou d the fact that his pleasure was more important than my self esteem and tryst and my health and our babies health. It is sickening but it's a fact. Can't turn back time. Like I said no explanation or reason from his side will ever be a good enougb answer. The question is can we somehow find a way to get past it if they work hard or not only time will tell. Hugs momma. I know how hard it is those first few weeks you sure shouldn't have to deal with this