Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I found out Friday night by accident (went to shut down the music server on H's computer and there was a yahoo email account with explicit sexual subject lines). H was asleep... I started opening the emails and reading them. Each one got worse. There were pictures and detailed accounts of sex acts. Basically, he went on a site called Ashley Madison where married people go to have affairs. He met a woman, they have been meeting up in NY when he travels for work. Not only have they been meeting each other but they've been hooking up with other couples and going to swinger/hookup clubs to find other people to join them. This has been going on a whole year. I've been married for 11 years, together for 15. I had no idea. Right now I feel numb, I cry a lot and feel like the rug has been pulled out from under my feet. I can't shut off all the thoughts in my head. He's in a hotel, I made him leave but now he's wanting to come back home. I've seen a therapist already and an attorney. We are going to the therapist together tomorrow. I'm hoping it will help me. I've never felt pain like this and just want to get to a better place. I welcome any advice...need all I can get right now.
You sound like you have taken some great steps seeing both a therapist and attorney.
Stay strong and focus on want you need at this point of time and what outcome you want.
I know this is a hard time, take care
I'll be praying for you. May God ease your pain.
TheStrongWave
Your world map has been ripped out from under you. How you are feeling now will subside eventually, but for the next few weeks, it'll be important for you to eat, get sleep, and drink lots of water. This helped me tremendously, as I'd go for an entire day without thinking about myself, too focused on the train wreck I was trying to pick myself up from.
Kudos for seeing an attorney and therapist, you're on the right track to protect yourself.
You are not at fault, in anyway whatsoever, for his indiscretions, he owns all of it. As for the the reasons why he would do it, most cheating spouses say they don't know, but from my experience it has a lot to do with character, a propensity for entitlement, the temptation of sex, and an opportunity presenting itself.
There is no excuse for infidelity that a cheating spouse can place on the loyal spouse, that isn't rooted in self-preservation. After discovery day, the CS (cheating spouse) attempts to shield themselves from taking full responsibility for the train wreck, often gas-lighting and blame-shifting the loyal spouse to deflect some or all of the damage they've created.
If your husband wants to reconcile, he'll have to be completely open and honest with you about what he got up to, and you have read emails so you already know a lot more than many betrayed spouses do upon discovery day. Trusting is a long road, and it's up to him and his actions that will determine the re-establishment of trust. But he can't keep anything from you, regardless of the reasons, if he expects to reconcile successfully.
You are a good person, a strong person, a loving and caring individual. You did not deserve to have this happen to you. You were blindsided by it because you trusted him, as all loyal spouses do, we trust freely. This will not reduce you, and you will come out on top once the dust has settled.
I wish you solace.
Therefore allow yourself to come here for support and see a therapist but don't allow him to come back. He first should work on himself before he works on the marriage. Men who do this shouldn't be married to good faithful wives. Men like him ( and my husband) love to have the security of a house n wife but can lead a married life. Hope ur husband is different. But...... Let time tell. Don't take him back now just to end ur pain. Let the wave ride out. I'm so sorry. I've been there.
ideally you could cut his nads off but since you can't
you need to get past the love you had for the fake him and divorce the real him
the real him is a turd that won't change
that does not have even a little respect for you enough to curtail any of his wickedness
God Bless