The lying, minimizing, and then the "apology". Straight outta the cheaters handbook. Sheesh I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Please ALWAYS trust your gut, you are not paranoid and you have every reason to doubt him. YOU did not break his trust, he broke yours. Don't assume his affair was online-only either...because cheaters cheat and lie. The way through this (not past it...which implies a "get over it already" mentality) is a lot of hard work and reality-checks with an individual therapist. I wish you well.

I know it was online because the person lived in another state. (Verified by me) And he doesn’t go anywhere, like out with friends or anything. He’s very introverted in that way. I think that made online easier.

So sorry your here.
Please don't ever doubt urself. First off forgiving has nothing to do with thrust it can take years for thrust to come back if it ever does.
After being cheated on in any form thrust needs to be earned. He surely is not earning thrust at all with his behavior.
I agree with above I'm not so sure if he really was renorsefull or that he even told you the truth about the affair.
How he behaved when you find out is typical from a cheater. But let's say you know the truth about the affair. He needs to be renorsefull and an open book if he wants to earn ur trust. He can never call you stupid. He needs to give you all passwords and a female bff is a huge NONO! This is not ok. Please thrust ur gut. A man with cgearimg history doesn't just have a female friend it's likely more or will be more soon. If it truly is just a friend well why on earth would he risk your they at for "just a friebd" no keep ur foot down and thrust ur gut. He needs to change jobs he needs to do anything to help you rebuild thrust. Don't blame urself how in earth can you regain thrust if he's not behaving thrust worthy?
I understand ur need to always check his phone. I do too but hopefully once in 2 year in not as much anynore. It's normal behaviour for us betrayed partners but it's so painfull to realize we have changed and became so paranoia.
He's not helping you at all. If he refuses to give up this new bff I think you have ur answer. Get STD tested just to be safe.

No female BFF! EVER! Keep your enemies closer ... basically hiding in plain sight is the best place to hide!
That being said, as other have said, you both should be transparent! Both should have each others passwords...
if it’s your reaction he fears... how do you react? If he told you the truth about the A would you scream? Curse?

I am so sorry for your husband's despicable and cowardly betrayal. As a "man", 51, never married BUT very sexually active from age 29-33, I was a professor in a major medical school, and saw many male, and (to my shock) many married professionals, with great kids, having "affairs " with 1) their daughter's best girlfriend 2)One lady surgeon told me she "regularly bumped uglies" with her gorgeous 16 year old daughter's boyfriends, and one thing all who have bragged orr "confessed" adultery to me, there was one common underpinning "essential" to this (to me) sickening behavior; narcissism or deep, deep insecurity - the first, feeling entitled to "do whatever I want because I am so great"- the latter, having a major "perceived failure " in their past, and seeking "affirmation" with an "one the side" sexual partner.

I never got married, only because I do what I say I will and despite dating a few great lades, never met "the one" I could us mutually benefiting from marriage 10 years ahead.

I am sure there are scores of men and women who cheated "one night stand" with a stranger, on impulse, and never repeated it; But of 25 "data points" of the adulterers who told me about their cheating, they shared these 3 behaviors vehemently 1) Indignation (even when appearing to feel guilty at beginning of story) and "f*(k off"
2) they all were "great liars"- ie; I have a pretty good "lie detector" built into my "listening to people"; I caught 23 of them in lies outside the adultery (I am blessed with an "aurographic memory"- I hear in my head 99% of words I hear stated, and can id the voice, for 3 years or more, so if someone claims they had sex first time at 16 on a golf course, then 3 weeks later telling someone else their first time was in backseat of aunt-in-laws Cadillac" - emphasizing, in both tales, it was his FIRST time; so one had to be a lie (and probably both) 2) all 25 that "confided to me" went on to cheat with other women/men, 13 were caught by and divorced by their spouse- one cheater was with the wife of a "friend"- in their marital bed- the husband "lost it" and shot them both (severe injuries, both lived)- I knew the cheating man(married-wife divorced him for this one)- the woman and man got divorced and theDA indicted betrayed husband for "Attempted murder" ; this happened in Valdosta, GA, and the jury, (the time is a rumor, the verdict in a newspaper story) came back with a unanimous "NOT guilty" in 20 minutes; 3 jurors told the newspaper what "set all 12 off" was her cheating on the hardworking husband was at one of TWO demanding jobs her had, to support the 4 children she had from a previous marriage, 3 of their own.

I know two lawsuits filed in civil court against the husband won $0 for both cheaters, and the "outcome" of all involved, I only know my "acquaintance" (male with pal's wife in their bed) died in Southern GA, 2002, in a parachute jump (wind sheared both chute and backup)- this was on a "date" with a 17 year old friend of his 18 year old niece-know he had remarried; hope she had "double endemnity" life insurance

My "free advice" (worth every cent) is- you deserve better; seems "so coincidental" an "online meeting cheater"- of ALL candidates for "BFF" is a woman- you seem like "a dream" he sounds like beneath his adultery, I'd wager thousands he does other immoral things.

How does he defend his female coworker being his "BFF"? I'll bet she's married, too, right?

THe way he talks to you, just that, is grounds to leave him; in 3 long-term monogamous relationships- I never considered cheating, my3 ex girlfrends all insist they never cheated- and I didn't "spy" but never caught them lying about going to "bingo night" they'd never gone, to, etc., no guys ever called their residences and "hung up after asking for one of them";

Your "husband" presents a very "easy solution"; plant a "GPS tracker" on his car, (and hers if you know her)- see if he's lied about where he is, and "bust them" in the act; the scariest part of adultery in this age is HIV and new strains of other STDs; and very few "virgins" have sex with married men

GOd bless and guide you
limpjohn

The reason you can't trust him is because he never truly came clean and repented. As well, it doesn't seem he has made any changes that would suggest he is a reformed cheater. Actually it seems like he is further down the path to commit true adultery with this co worker, if he hasn't already.

From your description of him he is a low self esteem, selfish, manchild. All he is concern is about how he feels and just does what he wants.

Probably had permissive parents and responds the way he did with his mother.

His parents never set boundaries for him and it seems like you didn't put any ultimatums in place for him either. Like any spoiled manchild he will just do enough to get by.

He probably needs some serious counseling to work his issues.

For you, trusting someone who has proved to be untrustworthy and has not made any great efforts to change that is not a problem. The problem is continuing the marriage in this fashion.