I discovered he was having these dates with this woman. He said it was just a friendship and called me crazy, he said he did not have to tell me about it because I was going to see it wrong and I was going to get ideas. He promised he did not touch her and that he was just amused about her putting attention to him.

However, he said he was not happy in the marriage and that it was about time for him to put an end to it. He said he was burnt out, that I was making him crazy and our kids (one of them with deep behavioral issues) were getting to his nerves and that he was feeling that I was not allowing him to be a father.  I was in shock, never for one minute saw this coming, thought he will be with me forever.  I got to the point that I begged him to stay and fight for the marriage.  It was awful to see myself in that situation, I could not help myself.

He left, went to live in his shop... came back in less than a week, he said he needed to get some things ready before he was leaving for good.  Slept in the sofa from that day on.  He also said he was back because he could not come from his shop everyday just to pick up the kids and take them to school (too many miles and he had to wake up extra early).  I leave early in the morning and he takes them to school.

In the meantime we had been going to therapy, I said I could forgive (surprisingly) what had happened but he says he was not sure if he wanted to stay in the marriage.  How could a person not be sure?  i told him to forget that I had begged him to stay, that I was stronger now and that he could leave whenever he pleased.  If I wanted to heal having him there undecided and just being nice between us for the sake of the kids, was not fair for anyone.  Two months had passed since all that and I gave him kind of an ultimatum.  I gave him one more month to decide whether he was going to stay and fight for this marriage or if he was going to leave.  About 3 weeks before dateline, during a therapy session he said he wanted to stay and fight for the marriage.  He said he recognized that he had been wrong and that he could also forgive me (he would not forgive that I used a GPS tracking app and that checked on his phone to discover the affair) but that he would not be able to forgive my family.  During the turmoil and discovery I confided in a cousin and best friend, told them how I was feeling and that he was leaving me for another woman.  They reacted judging him, he saw the text messages in my phone and now, thinks that everyone in my family knows and they all judge him and hate him.  No one else knows!!! Why would I want to tell something so embarrassing to everybody?

He instead, told all his family (comes from a small family - his version) and they won’t talk to me because they think it was too low to track him and check his phone.  They say I was blind to not see that he was not happy with me and that I should let him go. No one is stopping him.

So now, I'm trying to heal, he is home, supposedly working on the marriage, he is friendly but keeps conversations limited. He calls once in a while to check on me and has been very calm and patient with the kids (not the usual).

I have done so much to keep the house in peace, I don’t scream anymore, I'm a scream free for 4 months (I'm sober).  I have 4 hour a weeks in home therapy for my kid and my husband is present in each one. So there is positive stuff but I feel his friend, not his wife, he won’t touch me or even get close to me.  He says he is not ready, he says he does not feel comfortable to reach that level yet.  He says he is too hurt, and that I'm too hurt to get that close.

He also says that people don't change and that is afraid that all this peace and quiet and nice environment in the house is just a face and that as soon as we get confortable again I will be go back to screaming, nagging and controlling.

I'm mad, and feel tested all the time, i don’t know how to handle the situation.  The therapist works on this every session, ask him questions, reflects on his past and feelings but results are soooo slow.  I've been seeing a life couch and he tells me to focus on me and forget about him for a while, he says I think too much about him and that does not let me concentrate in what really matters.  He says that if he really wanted to go he would have left long time ago.

So after all this rant.... any thoughts????