He decided to stay with the other women and then came back to you? I'm not really sure what to say, I'm sorry about your miscarriage I had one years ago and it still bothers me. You have to start focusing on yourself right now start doing things for you. Then you have to ask yourself if this is something you can live with for the rest of your life. I feel I order for s relationship to work after an affair the other women/man have to be completely out of both of your lives and with her being pregnant she is never going to be completely out of your lives. Is that something you can deal with. How are you going to feel helping him raise another women's child? Maybe you can do it, I don't know but all I know is everytime I saw the child I would think of the other women and the betrayal and I know that's not something I could do for the rest of my life. I feel I would never truly be able to heal if I was helping to raise the child and the other women was still around. You should get into therapy and then decide if this is really something you can do. Good luck I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

During the whole spilt up we never stopped talking.. not for one day. I’m not sure what I was thinking. And I think a part of me will always be jealous and hate that she got pregnant with him while I miscarried. I would never treat that child with hate though. That child is being born into a shitty situation and I would never take it out on the child. He’s going to the first appointment with her and her mom here soon and I’m scared. I just hate that I’m not pregnant and I think if I was it would be darker for me. I love him I do and I want to work on things and move past this I’m just not sure how too either..

Oh no of course I wasn't saying you would hate the child or even take it out on them. It's in no way the child's fault I just know for me it would kill me know he was spending time with her still, going to appts etc and still having to see her often. It would bother me knowing he was getting something I so badly wanted. I would never hate the child but the child would of course for me trigger the memories of the affair. Are you in therapy? I think it may help you with ideas on how to move past it. I found out 3 weeks ago my husband cheated, we haven't started therapy yet but we will be soon, I think we will go on our own as well as together. My only issue is I so badly want to move on, I honestly want to stop taking about it because whenever I talk about it that just makes it fresh and honestly I don't want our relationship to revolve around this or the other women. I want every part of her gone from our lives. So I'm still not sure how to proceed either but I think we will give therapy a try. Good luck and I how you are able to move past this. Right now focus on you and getting yourself healthy.

Let me get this straight. Your husband cheated and got a girl barely out of HS pregnant and when he discovered you were both pregnant, he chose the other woman but you somehow still want to save the marriage? Though he's been living with the other woman you've still been talking to him every day and he helped you through the miscarriage, even though he was still with her the whole time. You say you and him are 'trying to work things out'. Is this work taking place while he's still living with the 19 year old?

Since it's not humanly possible for you to be as clueless as you present yourself, I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that:

A: You are up for an open relationship that might involve the three of you living together, taking care of any babies you two have for him and way more open minded that most of us.

B: You have undisclosed mental health issues that need addressed.

C: You super young yourself and have no real idea how relationship are supposed to work or what constitutes reasonable behavior from a man.

I'm not trying to be ass hat, but what you describing sounds borderline ridiculous.

My major issues with this would be:
1. He had an affair, making him untrustworthy.
2. He wasn't intelligent enough to use a condom, therefore every single person she slept with, so did you - germ wise.
3. He got another woman pregnant when he had his affair.
4. When given a choice between two women he got pregnant, he didn't pick you - his actual wife.
5. He's cheating on her by talking about getting back with you while she's carrying his child, just like he cheated on you with her before he found out you were pregnant. Therefore, he's definitely not to be trusted.

Whoever gets stuck with this fool will always be looking over her shoulder to see if he cheating and he probably will be.

I think you are still pretty young. You have lots of time to still find soneone trustworthy. Don't do this to yourself. First you're pregnant and he leaves you. Now she's pregnant and he leaves her. What kind of horrible type of man is this. Surely not an example you want for your future kids
Because there is another baby involved you're always going to he confronted with his betrayal, with her and with the fact that you wished that was your child. I had a miscarriage and also fertility issues. I can tell you ur torturing ur self. On top of that he's just a cheater. He ready cgeated on you early in ur relationship can you imagine in a bunch of years from now. Don't torture urself. Let him go and focus on urself u deserve much better. And a dad that's worthy of ur love and ur kids

When we first started really talking again he had left her by that point. The times we talked before were just simple how’s the baby and you doing. He is no longer with her and I see him daily trying to figure out this mess. I still have feelings for him and love him very much I want to have a family with him but I struggle with fertility issues and it’s hard on me. She says he can go to the appointments for the baby and be there and have the baby on weekends but only if he’s not with me or if he stay the weeksends with we. I’m at a lose I am young I don’t know what to do or think

How old are you? She can't decide when or if he can have the baby he can get a court order custody arrangement. The baby many need to be a bit older of course but still she is still trying to control him. How old are you? Ask yourself do you really want to be second choice though? He was married to you, you both were pregnant and he picked her. Things didn't workout with them so now he is running back to you honestly seems like he just needs to be with someone and that he may leave you again when something else comes along.

I have dealt with fertility issues. It was such a painfull lonely battle. Please I warn you you will resent this baby and situation. He's not worth the pain

Given the situation that you are young, without children and haven't been married long that it would be better to move on.

This woman and child will never be out of your life. Your standard of living will also be affected as he will need to provide for two families. The triggers will be endless given the situation.

This is not the kind of man you want to be attached to for the rest of your life and have a family with. Find someone who is a honorable and honesty man and who you can trust.

Im sorry for what you had gone through. Its devastating... but have you thought about it radically.. could you have been kind of lucky not to have his child? Sorry if it sound cruel but i think he is manipulative or playing with both you and her feelings.

Bosqsky, unfortunately I am in the exact same situation as you are, except that I wasn’t pregnant too. My husband of 4 years and I started drifting apart due to my job, and he starting hanging out with a female work friend of his he’d been friends with for 3 years. (never any problems before). When my husband and I started having problems, he started partying with her and some other people and drinking, using marijuana and ecstasy; I hear frequently all at the same time. For him he was doing it to forget his pain.... he never would have done this sort of thing when we were happy and I had no idea this was going on. Well anyway when they were doped up on all those drugs they slept together. It happened twice before they realized this was a bad idea and tried to break it off, but by this time it was too late. She found out she is pregnant soon after and claims she’s been with nobody else. She knew he is married to me and apparently he had been venting to her about me so she’s never met me but thinks I’m this terrible person. When she told him she was pregnant he told me 3 days later. I had absolutely no idea any of this was happening beforehand. We have been living together this whole time, trying to work it out but she’s demanding he go to all of her appointments and stay in the baby’s life or she will abort it. Neither my husband or I want the baby killed, but there is just so much going on right now it’s hard to know what I feel. I still love him and want to make it work.... to stay true to my vows for better or worse even tho he didn’t stay true to his. He has not been talking to her since he cheated except to arrange appointments. He says he’s sorry and he feels so guilty he has contemplated suicide. He wants to stay with me and we’ve set up counseling. But what I can’t decide is it worth it?? I don’t know if I can deal with this baby in my life much less the other woman for the rest of my life either. :( Sorry I can’t offer advice but wanted to let you know there’s someone out there who definitely, DEFINITELY understands what you’re going through!!!

RE: Heartbroken

The vows you made go two ways like a piece of string. The moment he cheated on you the string and vows were cut and the marriage was over. Legally you are married but in reality he has broken the contract.

My wife cheated after 3.5 year of marriage and if it weren't for the fact we had a 6 month old child when she confessed of a 1.5 year affair, I likely would have left by now.

If the paternity test came back as me not being the father. I'd give it a 95% chance of me leaving her. I don't think I could live with spending my time and money on my cheating spouse, and her child.

That and the fact the affair partner was below the poverty line and old, he probably would not be able to afford much child support.

Hi, I am so sorry you are going thru this difficult time. However, trust is broken and there are some major red flags that have gone up and are waving loudly at you. One, he cheated on you. Two, he got the other woman pregnant. Three, when given the choice, he chose the other woman. Can you live with him being involved with this woman and her child for the rest of your life? Will you ever be able to trust him again? How is he going to work out two women and a baby? Do you belong to a church? Can you talk with your pastor or a counselor? They can answer your questions and help you to get your heart on right. Please take the time and do that for yourself. You are worth it. You have value. Don't succomb to a life of rejection. Be good to yourself! I will say a prayer for you.....

You all will be glad to know I kicked him out and told him to be on his way. It is still heart breaking

So sorry for ur pain. It is the best choice for ur future. But I can understand how hard it is now to brake up.
Stay strong. Better times will come. Hugs