Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
About a month ago, I found out my husband has not only been engaging in cybersex in chat rooms, which I caught him once when we were engaged, but he swore then that he would never do it again...but this has escalated to him creating a fake profile on Plenty of Fish (he showed me the profile) and messaging women, and also creating a gmail account so he can continue on chatting with some of the women he chats with online so they could exchange explicit pics. This was all happening while I was pregnant and also after I gave birth. I was having a difficult time transitioning from working full-time to becoming a stay-at-mom, having a newborn who had trouble sleeping, and also taking care of a puppy.
First, I'm wondering, am I overreacting being so upset and betrayed if he never met any of these women or did anything physical?
I am also concerned that he will relapse. He was so good at covering his tracks and being secretive this whole time. I was also a trusting fool. He started seeing a therapist.
I would love to know if any of you have experience with something like this and if I am an idiot for staying in this marriage..meaning will I be betrayed again? I truly don't want my daughter to grow up in a broken marriage if I can avoid it and if it means I leave this marriage now when she's still a baby and doesn't know much about what's going on. I'm 34. Maybe I still have a chance of starting over and falling in love again and having a loving family for my daughter. I am so afraid that I can never trust my husband again. What kind of a marriage would that be then?
My first husband was addicted to dating sites and online chats. Eventually it came out that he had multiple emails and multiple profiles. Many married men on those sites do. They hunt. Also in my area Plenty of Fish is a well know sex site- not for dating.
He always denied meeting people. I wanted to believe it. But when a PAP showed I contracted HPV it was time to take the bull by the horns.
I took control of the situation, got therapy, he said he could stop in his own and I wanted to believe him. We eventually divorced. The most difficult but best thing I ever did.
If this guy is outwardly cheating on you and your new baby he really is not a stand up guy. Especially since you caught him once he is outwardly defying you and showing you he doesn't care by doing it again. I understand that you don't want her to grow up in a broken home, but it's broken now. I had three kids so I understand. This doesn't happen in healthy relationships. But what does happen in healthy relationships is mutual love and respect and that's what you want her to learn not that it's ok for daddy to talk to women online and make mommy sad.
My relationship with my second husband is like night and day. Once you are in a healthy relationship you will see that. My only regret is that I didn't leave sooner.
Once the divorce settled out my kids grades improved and I could see their anxiety level improve. Their mom was happy, less stressed and able to give to them fully. Today my oldest will say I want a marriage like you have now.
I'm sorry you are going through this!
Don't allow him to make you think you are crazy(gas lighting)....or you are a prude (blame shifting). That's common when you catch them.
Reach out to someone you trust ...a pastor, minister, counselor. Don't let this go. It will just continue to fester and grow. Visit the SOS website (Married to a Sex Addict) read the free material.
I just want to know if I'm fooling myself thinking that this time, now that everything seems to be out in the open and he's facing his demons for the first time in his entire life, that things can change for good. I can visibly see a difference in him, our sex life has been so much better. It feels like we are finally being truly intimate for the first time. I can feel how much he loves me. I just don't know if this is all a 'honeymoon' phase since all this came out in the open less than 2 months ago..
Five years ago yesterday I found out my husband was having an affair. My daughter was 42 days old. That meant he had been cheating on me my entire pregnancy.
Know that his affair wasn't about you. That's the good and the bad news.
I might have better advice to offer on a day that I wasn't filing for divorce ( we reconciled after finding out about his first affair and this past August I found out he was with the same woman again, hence the divorce filing today).
Just know you're not alone, this is not your fault and give yourself time and space to decide what is best for you and your family.