Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
in May of last year, I found out my husband had been seeing another woman for a couple months. And that he would even invite her to the house while I was at work. I was almost certain I wanted to leave him but after a couple weeks I decided to stay and work on our marriage because I still loved him and I wasn't ready to call it quits. We had been trying to get pregnant for a year, but after the infidelity I decided I wanted to stop trying and just figure out our relationship. In September I got pregnant unexpectedly and we were happy, it seemed to bring us closer and help us see the "big picture ". But I miscarried a month after finding out. I was devastated. And I wasn't sure I was ready to try again, but my husband assured me that if I was meant to be pregnant it would happen. And so when I found out I was pregnant in December I was so worried. I was scared I would have to go through the physical and emotional pain of another miscarriage. But this one stuck! When I was 10 weeks I found out my husband had been cheating again. He gave me chlamydia. And I kicked him out for a month. Yet I still was in love with him and really wanted to give out baby a chance at a decent life with both parents. I'm so confused on how to even feel. I'm not even 100% sure I even care as much as I should. Sometimes I feel like everything is fine and we have a normal healthy relationship. And then other times I feel like I can't trust him to go to work. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I wish I could just either stay mad or get over it. That way I can either leave or stay. And not have such mixed feelings about him.
I'm 21 month into discovering the affair and about 17 months since it ended.. My wife told me after my initial discovery of her affair that she didn't love him and that he meant nothing to her but I didn't believe her. Less than 3 weeks after "breaking up" with him she was seeing him again. I found out via an intercepted text 4 months later. This time I asked her for a divorce and obtained an attorney. She continued to see him for about 2 weeks then reality set in. She was living in a fantasy and she voluntarily cut off contact with him, left her job, which is what I asked her to do when I initially discovered the affair. She refused then because she couldn't leave him. This is where she was able to see him 5 days a week. He wasn't married but in a relationship and they both we're able to get together on the occasional weekend. I say all of this to say, no matter how much you love him and want to stay married, you have to be prepared to do what's necessary to leave the marriage. As long as he knows you are willing to forgive yet another indiscretion, he will likely continue to have affairs. Still there remains a chance that even after taking such measures he won't change. You have to ask yourself are you willing to put up with it, risk your health, or allow your child to grow up in such an environment. I hope he will open his eyes and see what a jerk he has been. Fortunately, even betrayers can change. For your sake I hope he does. He really needs to invest in the marriage and in your child's life. It's time for him to grow up. Good luck and I wish you well.
P. S. :
Remember to take care of yourself. Talk to someone you trust i.e. clergy, counselor, close friend (preferably not one that is close to the two of you). Do things with friends, family, colleagues. Take classes of interest, scrapbook, journal or whatever hobby that will help you not to focus so much on the affairs.
To answer your question, you're supposed to feel exactly the way you do feel, otherwise you're cheating yourself. It sounds like you have had doubts, yet you wanted him so badly you were willing to take the chance and have a family with him, knowing he was a cheater. So this is something that would be good for you to look at. What measures were taken after infidelity number two? What access do you currently have to his phone and digital devices? Is he completely transparent with where he is and who he speaks or texts with on his phone? Does he spend time away from the family other than the 9 to 5 of being at work?
These are all important considerations for a healing betrayed spouse.
Wishing you well.
He's a cheater and a liar pure and simple. He used the baby to work for him. Giving you an STD is inexcusable.
If you decide to stay with him you are going to have to be very strong and set your conditions.
He has to account for his whereabouts, give you access to his phone, give you all his passwords.
You need to deal with the OW as well and if she is married, tell her husband. If your H and the OW
work together, he has to change that. Put cameras in your house! I cannot believe he brought her to your home!!
Your H should start to see a therapist. Don't waste a penny on a marriage counselor until he's had a few months of therapy. You should meet his T as well, so the T can see for himself what you are all about and not just see you through the cheater's filter.
In the meantime I think you would be wise to talk to a lawyer so you know your rights. And you should start putting money aside.
Your feelings are normal. It is very difficult to trust these liars. I can remember in a session with my H's T, my H was bemoaning the fact that I don't trust him and he was insisting that he was telling me the truth. His own therapist said very calmly that my husband taught me himself not to trust what he said! It was beautiful.
Until your husband gives you reason to believe him, don't. Put the burden on him.
I know you want an intact family for your child. But your H might have different plans. It looks like he wants a wife, a child, and a mistress. How does the mistress feel about this? Ask her.
Affairs exist in secret. If you are direct and open with everyone, after all this is not your dirty secret,
you will find out what you need to know.
This is awful and I am so sorry you have to go through this. Good luck with your pregnancy.