You are her mother and you love and care about her and her personal welfare. I don't understand how this would make you a hypocrite. I don't know about what has occurred in your marriage, but I'm sure that it doesn't have much bearing on her situation. I would tell her about your fears. She may already realize some of these things about her BF and just need someone else to confirm it for her. If it was my child I would talk to her. You also have your grandchild to worry about. Best of luck to you!

What does your situation with your H have to do with your daughter?

If she brings that up, that says more about her than it does about you.

Thank you.. In a recent text to her sister she told her that a family stays together even through the rough times. I divorced her dad when she was 10. So, I think she has some ideals differently about family.

Perhaps her dad could talk to her...? Maybe getting a male point of view could help...

I don't care what culture he was raised in, it's his child, he's living in the house, eating the food, and wearing clothes, enjoying air conditioning... He needs to "man up" and start helping out... And, there is NEVER an excuse for allowing your daughter to walk home at night when her car broke down... He needs to drag his lazy spoiled ass outta bed and go rescue her...By the way, that runs both ways... Male or female... You don't leave a person stranded on the side of the road.

Thanks, for the advice.

Chewdy, you could always offer the "I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did..." approach.

Ultimately, it's rare that a child ever understands life's lessons until they experience it for themselves. You could advise her til you're blue in the face but sometimes, it's just the firsthand experiences that have the most impact.

I wish you luck. Sounds very discouraging to say the least.

-TheRule

You're still her mother/parent, she needs your imput. Theres no way I could stand by and not tell my child what I was thinking and feeling about their situation. I think her bf would be hearing a thing or two from me as well. No one should be walking alone at 11:30 at night these days-to many crack pots on the lose. Speaks volumes of what kind of piece of crap he is.

If she fell down, would you not extend a hand to her?

If she landed in a hole and could not crawl out, would you not kneel down and grab her hand to help her out?

So many times, we over think things and put more into it. This is really very simple, Chewdy.

She probably needs you now more than she ever has. She needs to hear your voice and your direction. Just because she may ACT like she doesn't want to hear doesn't mean she isn't listening on some level.

YOur daughter is in some serious trouble here with this guy while trying to raise a child. If she throws your choices to stay in your marriage in your face, I am pretty sure you can tell her that your H was working WITH you to mend the marriage while still being a father to her. I hope I am correct. Remind her of that and then move back to HER situation.

I have had to watch my kids go thru their own individual hells. All three of them. Just for the record, I can tell you that I have rarely shut up to my kids. Ever. In thier lives.

...and they still love me. Amazing, huh?

Start with, 'You are not in a good spot here. Tell me what you need. You can't stay in this. Tell me what I can do. Name it. I love you. Tell me.'

Let me know, K?

L~

When I married the first time I was in a bad place. I was 18 and didn't know he was an alcoholic. Drinking every night shortly after we married. Kicking in the door and pushing and shoving me around. Pickinng up our daughter and letting her hang out the car window because he was drinking.

My mother never said anything. But my dad. He sat me down and didn't tell me what to do. He said a simple two simple things. "When you get enough let me know and I will help you get out. When you leave his ass is mine."

I stayed a while longer trying to work out a way to stay in my marriage. Just knowing that someone had my back was the deciding factor to get me to leave.

Tell her your fears and that when she gets enough you will help her any way you can. Maybe tell her next time the car breaks down to call you and you will pick her up and not lecture her about the BF not getting her.

Perhaps just knowing that you are there in the background for her will be the one thing that gets her to leave. It worked for me.

I can't think of any culture where this type of behavior is tolerated. What culture doesn't protect it's women?

Your daughter is probably ready to bolt and just needs a little push (or a shove). I'm kind of like L. I have rarly shut up about my children's lives. I've had moments where I let things out on the sly. But mostly, I just spit it out.

You have ask her to consider that this isn't a good atmosphere for her daughter. Would she want her daughter to live like this? Hell no!!

Do what you need to do. Yeah, you probably didn't live the perfect life, but that's what gives you the ability to speak on what you know.

Also, this guy isn't her family!!