I think the best way to get through this is to get counseling and understand that this infidelity is a common thing nowadays.

Obviously someone who can't stay faithful even before the wedding has no business being in a monogamous relationship.

You need to just let it go by realizing that some people just don't have any character and integrity.

There is no right person for anyone but when you do go looking for a new mate just focus on finding someone who is a decent and selfless person. Many are not capable of loving others enough to be good lifetime mates.

The thoughts will reduce in frequency and intensity over time. One way to help is no contact with your ex and to remove as many triggers that you have around the house or change the routines you shared with him.

forwardmotion is right. I will add that staying busy is important.

Know you had nothing to do with his cheating. This is about his character.

Thank God you found out before you married him!

Thank you for the advise. I see sooo many posts her about men and women being married with kids going through this and it then makes me feel like my situation is insignificant compared to theirs...i guess when it comes to things like this all situations are horrible regardless of the circumstances.

He was a very selfish person but i never knew to what extent. I would have bet all i had that he would never cheat on me...and i would have lost everything. How was i so sure he was a good person and then so completely wrong about him.

So for me i think this is also about trusting myself again because i thought i made a good call, that i had found a great guy to spend my life with but i was just so so wrong.

I have been to therapy (not for a while now) i just feel so discouraged that this is so common. Why can't people be more decent, more human.

Thanks all for being there on these not so nice days.

You're situation is not insignificant! In retrospect he did you a favor. Finding out what kind of person he is before you got married!

Hi, I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's so hard to understand how the person who says they love you could do this, believe me, I know. After my ex's affair, I wondered the same thing and I read lots of stuff that indicated that a man who DOES love you can get caught up in the thrill and euphoric feelings and attention he is getting from someone else. So as others have said, it's not your fault. Do you think he was getting cold feet at the thought of settling down? Did the two of you seek couple's counseling after you found out? Your situation isn't insignificant but you keeping a positive attitude should be helpful for you. I know you didn't make it to the alter but maybe there is something here that could provide some peace to you. https://list.ly/list/1SmK-living-in-the-wake-of-fractured-vows (((hugs)))

Thanks for your msgs. Just feel very lost in my own life as my life plans have been derailed. I know not forever. Just have a lot of anger and i just wish for the day that i feel ok again.

The plan you had was derailed but in reality it never would have turned out the way you hoped because he was an imposter.

You have been saved from a terrible marriage to him and it would have been infinitely worse if you had married him for a couple decades with a few kids before finding out. That would have been the greatest tragedy.