Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I've been married for 16 years and was devastated 2 1/2 years ago when my husband revealed his long standing affair with his co-worker. That slut knew me and my children and knew we were happily married but was envious and set out on destroying us. I never thought this would happen to us but it did. To add to the devastation in the same sentence as, "honey I've been having an affair "was also, "and by the way she's pregnant too". My heart was broken and has been broken since. Despite couples counseling and individual counseling I find myself so bitter, rageful and jealous of the fact that they share a child together. He insists on helping her raise this child and which involves going to her home, bringing the child to our home, and daily phone calls. For me it feels like the affair continues and I cant move on. Is there anyone out there that has experienced a similiar situation with words of advice or outcomes? I just dont think I have the strength to deal with this and my children see me suffer every day. Am I being selfish that I want him to walk away from her and this child?
I know for me, I'd be OUT, long gone. And then he can have time with his and the OW's kid and his and your kids. But that's just me. I would not want my H to talk to the OW so having to see her would be too much for me.
I DO think that if I were in that situation- the calls would only be "allowable" TO the child. No conversation with the OW unless it directly has bearing ON the child. I would want to be present for these conversations, even if not actually talking to the OW myself. I would also ask to have a meeting point to pick up/drop off the child so that they are not alone together ever. Otherwise I would definitely feel as you do, that the affair isn't really over.
I mean this in a supportive way, hope I didn't come across the wrong way unintentionally! :)
In all due honesty, I would walk away from him. I don't know how you do it so I have to give you credit there.
Here's what I think. Sending this with all the love in the world...
Some things you can do. That's the easy part. Some things, tho, you can't. You try and try, but you just can't.
We all have our limitations and all. It's always healthy to see who we are and who we are NOT. It's good for us to be real with ourselves and accept us as we are.
You took a look at this and decided to try this out...and are finding that it is too much. No shame in that. Don't take any.
If something keeps you in perpetual pain, you can't do it forever. It will destroy you.
Really, there was a time, about 10 years ago, when I thought I was invincible, I swear. I thought I could do anything. But circumstances, a whole lot of them, at the same time, just got clobbered (my sister's death, my divorce, my EX's drinking, my kids' problems) made me sit down one day and say...
'I can't fix everything and that is alright. There are some things in life that come my way that I can't make better - like death, like drug addiction, like alcoholism...and that is fine...'
Staying in that frame of mind that said, 'I can fix everything' was going to destroy me. It was unrealistic. It was silly. I accept my limitations now and am at peace with them.
Some things are bigger than us and you may be finding that this, living with your H while he is raising his child with the OW and maintaining that contact, is bigger than you. ...and that's alright.
(deep breath)
I could be wrong. But that is my two cents...
Sending support, L~