I too have setbacks and that's only to be expected. I let my close co-workers know what's going on in my life and when I'm having a bad day, or even a bad moment, I let them know and allow them to be there for me. They talk to me, make me laugh and bring me chocolate. If that's not possible, put on some music or find a website with jokes. That may put a smile on your face. Try to get up and go talk to someone. Maybe take a break and go outside and get some fresh air. Tomorrow is another day and soon this moment will be but a memory.

Mauszer, I have experienced the same thing.

When I am at work, and I get those thoughts rolling around, I get up and walk around the building. As many times as it takes. Sometimes, I'll just walk to get a cup of coffee. Anything to change the environment for a few minutes to get in a different frame of mind.

Somedays, it helps, somedays, it does not.

FWIW: It does get better with time, but I can remember being at my desk and was a total zombie for 8 or 9 hours. Now, I can come to work and get a productive day done. It just takes time.

I agree with Blanca.
Laugh, laugh as much as you can. Put on a funny, old favorite movie...watch the 3 Stooges...read jokes...think about the good things that have come out of the affair...picture yourself doing something heroic...daydream about your dreams and aspirations...put on music...exercise...

Our imaginations are strong--our rolling thoughts of the affair and exactly what took place if proof of such. Use that imaginative muscle, and put it to good use by allowing yourself to picture precisely what you want out of life.

Try to devert your thoughts, think about something that makes you relax or smile. Regular vigours exercise also helps. Controlling thought processes and keeping yourself busy. I know, it's not easy to do all the time. Communication seems to help me. It seems everytime I attempt to communicate or even if it's only me doing the communication it seems to help for a little while. I don't know. This is extremely hard. I still find myself not sleeping well. I'm tossing and turning all night long. I don't sleep well with him in the same bed with me. It has been 15 months for me since my husbands last affair that blew our almost 30 year marriage out of the water and I've been trying to deal with every since. By myself. All I can say is I feel for you and I hope it gets better for you. You have to make up your mind whether to forgive her or not. If you do work harder on it. If not just get out of it, end it. I would have taken my own adivce if I would have been in a better situation. Long story but if your in a position to take care of yourself, it may be better to end it if it's not working for either of you. Don't waste your time on a hopeless relationship if that is what it is. Soul search! Good luck!

some of the things i do are cook, read, go to my favorite funny website. sometimes i even sit down and write a list of what i have to do for the house/bills/eyc. set up your evening/weekend will get your mind active and keep you productive in another activity. it just helps me think of anything other than the situation at hand. Keep yourself busy with anything that would use that part of the brain that is open for triggering these thoughts in your head. good luck and know we are here for anything.

Since its 2 1/2 months for me I have days that I really struggle and last night was one because I just kept thinking that I am stuck to the point where I can't get past my wife having sex with another man. Plus I was playing basketball, 5 minutes away from his house.

A couple of things I do, in privacy is scream whenever bad thoughts come into my mind and say stop and slap my head (I dont recommend that... lol, but I try to pretend there is a stop button on my head now). Then I try to focus on something else. Whatever interests you have that makes you happy or at least with distract your mind for a while, I try several things, until the next episode.

Also, I have a few good support channels with a counsellor and now a friend who has been great in listening and helping me through it.

One positive thing for me, even though I have these setbacks, I don't have that empty feeling in my stomach anymore, so something must be working.

I am new too and found that i cant watch tv..its amazing how many programms have people having affairs in them!! Never noticed before..Cant listen to music so Just put the comedy channel on ..it was great!
I am lucky in that my job is SO busy , i can be a different person and donmt get time to think.
Take care xx

Thanks for all of the great tips. I still go day by day. Participating here actually helps a lot, and gives me something to look forward to since it occupies the exact same place in my mind as the triggers.

The hardest part is finding no joy in anything I do :( I used to love to fish. Now if I went, I would sit there ignoring my line thinking of the affair. Then I end up more depressed since I don't even enjoy the things I used to love. Bummer.

XANAX

...or working out :)

Playing with my children. Watching them laugh and enjoy life always makes me feel better! Plus I hug and kiss them til they beg me to stop. LOL
When I am not around my children and a trigger hits me, I have a conversation with my H in my head. I scream and call him names...etc. then I pretend he says all the things I want to hear like, he is a fool, ow was a skank,a nd I am most beautiful sexy sweet woman in the world. I don't know if this is healthy, but it usually makes me feel better.
Hugs and good luck!

let yourself think about the affair every day for a certain time period...obsess, even! my therapist recommends NOT repressing those thoughts or trying to avoid thinking about them in the first place. hard as it is, you need to embrace your pain. it will get better and you'll find yourself not thinking about it for longer and longer periods. Sometimes a day goes by now and then when I don't even think about HER or THEM...but it has been almost a year since I found out. The anniversary has me thinking about it again, however...which is why I'm back online!

For me it was working too much, beer and Ativan at night lol

But seriously....Hang in there. Everyone has their own ways of dealing with pain and I hope you will find yours. Hopefully not as distructive as mine.
BIG HUG

The one thing that has helped me the most is "Xanax", it really does help take the edge off. Without it I have anxiety attacks and sit and cry for hours on end. The other thing I have found is if I am having a really tough time that working out is an extremely good way to bring your mind under control. A punching bag is great too.... You can imageine you are punching either the asshole or whore (whichever makes you feel better) LOL

I can completely relate to not enjoying the things you used to love to do. I love to fish but find my mind wandering while I sit there with the pole in my hand. I love to take walks but find my head thinking about old conversations. My old hobbies have become just that...OLD. I have decided to take on some new hobbies. I find that since I've never done them before they require more of my focus and attention and my mind doesn't stray as easily because everything is new with these changes in hobbies.