Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Can you ever truly move past an A, do we ever truly go back to who we once were , in our marriage or relationships, I've heard that it takes any where from 6 months to 2 years these are just statistics, to finally move past it, but do we every truly "move past " it. or do we spend the rest of our lives wondering when the next shoe is going to drop or walking on eggshells waiting for it to happen again, waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under us, my brother has been dealing with the same issure for 10 years, he said it's always there in the back of his mind, how many cheaters are really sorry for thier actions, if they did it once , what's to stop them from doing it again and again, when do we stop feeling like victims, and begin to live our lives I Know it's only been roughly 8 weeks for me and its still pretty fresh, my H want's to just forget it ever happened and he thinks everything is fine, how can it be fine, when I am still trying to figure out what the Hell happened, he set out to cheat, he made comments that he was curious, and that we had been together for so long almost 15 years, , when everything is said and done, he found that it was really not what he wanted and he wanted his wife and kids and our old life , where does that leave me, or any spouse, so you were just testing the waters and if you liked it you were going to walk out on your family, but instead you found out that it was not what you wanted, Im just afraid that there is never really a way out of this, that's all going to be there like a big elephant in the room, everytime they are late coming home from work, or their cell phone rings, wondering what they are doing who they are talking to, are they getting to friendly with another co worker, there is so much baggage that comes along with an A that the cheaters don't realize that. He's not the same person I fell in love with and married, and started a family with, he can't understand that, We are not the same people we were 2 years ago, Does anyone know anyone who has moved past this and found a way to make it work, or is making it work , what do you with all the unasnwered questions, thoughts, feelings,
I understand.
You make it sound as if you hope to one day go back to who you were before affair. Well, you will never ever ever be that person again.
The innocent woman is gone. You have been exposed to a reality of life that is ugly, and so you will always see him and everyone in your life more cautiously and sort of with more a far-er away view of them.
It's better for you that that's the case. Nothing will ever destroy you as easily again.
hugs
I think we begin to do that when we truly bury our losses and don't return to them in an effort to dig them up. Right now, I'm in the process of digging the holes.
Once the fantasy is shattered I don't think you can ever put it back together. But, like haveing a long term disease, or family problem, or lack of success in life, we just live with them. So I think it is reassuring to accept that life is not perfect and neither are any of us. The glass will never be full, but if we CHOOSE to think it is half full rather than half empty, we can live with and be happy.
I dont know anyone. The ones I do know, who have stayed after an affair, are angry, bitter, the cheater always jumping to see what he can do to help, but it is not resolution. I think the cheater will get sick of it, and find solace in another's arms...again.
I agree with Mr. Jim, we learn to accept it, grieve our losses and try to see the good in what is left.
He is right, we, people, have losses all life long. "Too late to have a baby, too many babies, never finished college, meant to go to ... but never got there, health deteriorates so we make do with limitations, kids become 25 year olds still living in the den, not doctors!"
"I meant to have a fairy tale marriage and I thought we would be true to each other, but, he/she cheated. Cant go back and uncheat. Was the marriage good otherwise? Did you like each other before the affair and have fun and agree on many things?
If the affair was not an "exit" affair, meaning, he/sh wanted an excuse to leave.
If he cheated because they turned 44 and saw lines around their eyes and some big busted bitch came on strong and made him feel young again? While you were asking her about the IRA acct and should we diversify?
Well, tough luck. Many people cheat, most do not get found out but plenty do and most dont seperate. Partly BECAUSE of the IRA but mostly because big boobs dont hold a candle to someone who has loved you for 15 or 20 or 30 or 50 years and still like you.
my bf and were together for 7 yrs, and one day, he just stopped answering his phone and emails. i thought something had happened to him...turns out he was f******his manager. talk about shocked and blind sided.Wow! now i feel as if i never truly knew him and now i have major trust issues with anyone. i still have bad dreams.
my ex is still with this woman. and i am still in shock and so, so depressed. i am not the same as before. i was so naieve and so trusting. Not anymore. This pain has been the worst emotional pain i have ever felt in my life.