First step is to figure out what you want to do once you get the proof. If you really think you want to work it out, I'd say wait longer and see if he will confess. It will make it a lot easier to reconcile if he confesses.

If you know you want out, but need proof for custody and such, you can get a voice activated recorder and hide it in his car. This obviously only works if he is talking to her on the phone, or meeting her in the car.

I would only do this as a last resort because if you think you want to work it out actually hearing them talk or whatever else is going to make it so much harder. It's one thing to be told about it, or even read emails and texts, it's another thing altogether to hear the excitement in their voices. It can be too much to handle if you are unprepared.

best of luck

I read the "help!" thread. Sorry about this. Sorry to hear you're in Australia and not in the US. I presume that Australia finds fault in divorce proceedings and makes rulings based on evidence, unlike here in the US with our "no-fault" system. Have you consulted with an attorney yet? Maybe you don't need proof.

Are you allowed to record conversations down under without the knowledge of either party and it still be admissible in court? Most States here require at least one person in the conversation to have knowledge it's being recorded, some require everyone to know. Very few "free" countries accept recordings where no one knows (invasion of privacy). So the hidden recorder in his car might be a no go.

You could follow him or hire a private detective. Also get into his internet accounts if possible and phone records. There are key logger programs you could secretly put on his computer.

Be ready if you do these things and get caught. I'm sure he'll then paint you as a psycho, paranoid, stalker type.

Good luck - keep us updated.

Things you can do, some already mentioned.

1) Voice activated tape recorder in the car and/or other locations he's likely to call her.

2) Key logger on a computer he is likely to use to communicate with her.

3) Spy ware on his phone, records everything he does and can allow you to listen in & track GPS.

Those are the most popular. Also, go through his car when you have opportunity, looking for the existence of alternate cell phones or other clues.

Generally, laws can prevent recordings made in secret without their knowledge as evidence, however I don't know how and if those cover marital privacy. Could be different with a spouse. A lawyer can tell you that. But if not, at least it can let you know for sure and seek ways to get more evidence.

Catch him off guard and ask politely to see his phone. Right then & there. Have a plan to look through text messages, pictures, FB private messages, emails and web history. Etc.

You can always first ask if he is having an affair. If he says no, ask politely to see his phone and follow steps above.

If all else fails get access to his phone records. You may be able to find out certain numbers that are called or texts most frequently.

So sorry you are going through this. Like others have said, know what you want - to rebuild your marriage or divorce. what you will find will be extremely hard to process or ever forget.

Don't be afraid to keep seeking advice here along the way.

((Hugs))

if you really want him to let his guard down you have to cool out for a while. The more suspicious you act, the more careful he will be.

Before asking to see his phone, make him think you are over it for it awhile, otherwise he will be a lot more careful about covering his tracks just in case

I can't find your "help" thread, so I don't know what you suspect, so I'm kinda going in the dark...

Any way to catch him off guard by asking him, "So, how long do you think you'll keep on having a mistress?" See what he says. Then, very calmly say, "I know you are. I have proof." Then see where that goes. He may cave and say stuff.

THEN, email him the next day, saying, "Last night was really difficult for me. When you said..." then write some of the details as a way to document it. But try to make it really like it's about your emotions. If it's too official like minutes to a meeting, he'll think something's up. Make it like you want to work on the marriage, want to trust him again...

He may just reply in some way that would confirm all the assertions you made.

Bang. Proof. He acknowledges it. You didn't break the law by recording anything.