Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hi. About a month ago i found out that my boyfriend/fiance had been cheating on me with his ex (he cheated on her with me before we got together). A few weeks before that i found pics of her on his phone that were sent to him the day before, they were nude pics that were taken in his room. He told me and swore to me that they were pics from when they were dating he deleted the convo thread so i couldnt go back to the pictures to confirm they were old so i decided to believe him. He did admit that he had been talking to her because his therapist advised him to. He lied. I later on found out he made a fake account where he had been talking to her for months and had asked her to have casual sex every now and than. When i read the conversatiion it showed that he would beg her to come over but she would stand him up. Until she eventually came whcih were when the pictures were taken. He had sex with her the day before we traveled to visit family. He swore to me that he was drunk everytime he messaged her and when she was over and that he remembers nothing when she was with her. He said he doesn't even know why he messaged her in the first place. That his over stress led him to drink constantly. He has been under insane stress to the point he has developed anxiety attacks. However, he never shown signs that he had been drinking while I was with him. I don't know if I can believe him. I still want to be with him and he still wants to be with me but how can I trust him? He has always shown that he has loved more than anyone and anything. He has always given up so much for me and done things he would never do for anyone ele. I love him but I get depressed everytime I think of the way he betrayed me and took advantage of my trust. I feel paranoid everytime he's home alone because I'm scared he's doing it again. He never showed signs of cheating at all so now idk if he is or isn't. Am i being stupid for still wanting to be with him? How can I trust that its really over with her? He swore that the last encounter was when he decided it was over but how can i believe that? (I did read in the conversation he told her he was permenantly staying out of the state, which was a lie) If he is lying to me I will never know.I have access to his social media and emails now but how do I know he doesnt have another secret one? How can I believe anything he says? I can't even have closure because he claims he doesn't remember anything so he can't answer any of my questions. He claims he only wants to be with me and he regrets everything he did. H says he hates himself and that he will never hurt me again. But how can I believe that? I believed that when we first started going out and he went and did this. I know I want to be with him but it's hard. I don't know when he's telling the truth anymore. It's like I see two sides of him now. Hes the best and the worst thing thats ever happend to me. I feel both happy and sad when I'm with him. I love him but I dont know what to do...how do i get better...? I have no one to talk to about this so I've had to deal with this alone.
I'm an understanding older male that has learned a thing or two about relationships.
1) This one is for you and all other young dating women.
When you meet a guy and you like eachother, but he's already in a relationship, walk away. Don't just agree to be friends. Don't believe that his relationship with his girlfriend/ wife is ending. Don't believe he's just waiting for her to be stronger before he ends the relationship.
Every guy that is willing to cheat on his current girl because he really wants to be with you, Is A Cheater.
If you date or marry this guy, he WILL cheat on you sooner or later.
This holds true for both men and women. A person that will cheat in a relationship now, will be willing to do it again sometime in the future. I wish leopards changed there spots, but sadly, they do not.
2) Have as good of a support network of friends and family as you can. Let them know you will be needing them soon when you believe your relationship is in deep trouble.
3) I'm very sorry to say and I know this will hurt you deeply. From everything you have said in your post I believe you already know in your head what you should do. In your heart, you are probably unsure and would gladly believe or put up with almost anything to avoid the heart ache of a breakup. I understand.
From you saying how it makes you feel if you don't hear from him in a day, I can see how much you have come to rely on him being central in your day to day life. Remember to love yourself first.
I encourage you to see the strengths you have and be a stronger more independent and balanced woman. This takes time, hard work and encouragement from others you can trust. I know this is easy for me to say, but difficult to do.
The thing is, every single one of us on the planet, struggles to be a stronger, more independent and balanced person in different areas of there lives. You are not alone. And if you want, I'll be there if you need to talk.
This relationship was started with cheating and built on mistrust. The situation you find yourself in isn't surprising.
You many want to evaluate your self worth/esteem and ask yourself why you went after an attached individual and why you want to be with him. Maybe get a therapist to help you with that.
I have three daughters and went through the same thing you went through with their mother. My oldest is a smart lady but has dated some guys that haven't treated her like I would treat her (I think most Dads feel that way). But there are times where I have told her she has the power to walk away and a right to choose a person who is honest and decent. And so do you. You have the right to let go, painful as it feels in the moment, and find the person who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
The saying goes, you can trust a thief but, you can never trust a liar. You can trust a thief because you know he will steal from you, you can never trust a liar because you never know when he is. Based on this post alone your partner appears to tell many lies.
If he is depressing you then you are entitled to ask yourself, is he worth the pain?