Its not overthinking. Some are able to regain that intimacy. Others cannot. I was in the latter category. Betrayal will do that to a person. It changes shit.

Since I found out about her and "that", I haven't been intimate with him and for a long time I couldn't fathom being that way with him ever again. When I imagined that all I saw was them and it just crushed me, pissed me off and made me see red. As time has passed though, I eventually got to a point where I was able to imagine it, but I never went there again and probably never will.

Do what's right for you. Time can give you perspective. Distance can too. Other stuff. But in your heart, you'll know whether or not you will be able to open yourself up to being like that with him again.

I don't have the answer to your question, unfortunately. I just wanted to add that I understand the disgust you feel. This was something I could not get over. Even though I miss my ex a lot, I cannot imagine being intimate with him again. His betrayal left me disgusted. The trust was lost. Innocence/purity/beauty of our relationship was gone. It could never be the same for us after that.

I feel your pain. I keep wondering if it was a chicken or the egg thing, since we hadn't been intimate for a long time before. My situation is too new to offer advice other than to simply say that I completely understand how your are feeling, and know that you do not walk this road alone.

I felt the same way after learning about my husband's affair. It didn't feel right thinking about being intimate again after everything had come out. We both went for std testing and thankfully they came back clean.

At the time i never thought I could be intimate with him again but one night it just happened. I initiated it and it just felt right. Prior to that our marriage counsellor suggested that sometime down the road we might want to consider counselling for becoming intimate again but we didn't really need it. That's not to say we won't at some point. But my advice is to do what feels right for your intimacy, whether that means simply hand holding, sex or anything in between. If counselling is an option for you both it might be something to consider as well.

Sometimes i find myself picturing him doing things with me that he did with her, and that is hard. But for the most part we are having even better sex than we were before i found out. We seem to have rediscovered the intimacy we first had when we started dating. Sex has gotten a little more fun and spontaneous as opposed to routine like it was before.

i have never felt the desire to iniate intimacy with her since then. if she choses to, than i oblige because it is my responsibility. but i do not iniate and probably will be a long long long time before i do.