Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I really don't know where or how to start...My husband to whom I've been married to for 30 has cheated on me. I've torn to pieces because I believe in being faithful and if you're not going to then leave the person or at least use protection when you're cheating. I figured he was cheating because of things that were going on with my body. I asked him several times and of course, he lied. The only reason I found out by going to the doctor to get tested for stds. Well, and I'm ashamed to say that I do have one and feel dirty even though I am not the one that cheated. He confessed after I(actually both of us) went to the doctor. I want my marriage to survive but it is so painful to know that your spouse has cheated. Right now I am struggling with forgiving him
He only told you the truth when he was confronted with medical facts.
You want your marriage to survive, but you refuse to see that your husband has killed it.
Kick the bum out. Put the monkey on his back and tell him if he wants to stay married to you then he needs to figure out how to fix things.
In the meantime, see a lawyer to learn your rights. Start setting some money aside. Document what you can.
If your marriage is going to survive, it is a long, hard road you both have ahead of you. Be sure the affair is over and that your H goes no contact with his slut. As long as they are involved, you don't have a chance.
If she is married, tell her husband. Tell him about the STDs, too. Don't be afraid. You've done nothing wrong.
Good luck with the STD. I know this sucks. Be strong. Set boundaries.
Your husband will not respect you if you don't. The cheating will continue. He will get sneakier. You are the prize. Make him win you back.
I know how much you are hurting, sickened, confused, and angry....I could go on.
First of all give yourself permission to feel all of these feelings; even if you feel hate for him. You have every right to feel these because what he did was wrong and you were betrayed by the one person who is suppose to be devoted to you. It is devastating to learn that your H has cheated. And that he put his health as well as yours in jeopardy! Your whole world has turned upside down!
These feelings are so foreign to you because they do not resonate with what you have felt about him. It goes against what should be. It's OKAY! Feel these feelings ; it's what you do with them that matters. For me taking a walk, writing in a journal, going for a drive, anything that can help to clear your head.
Forgiveness? Forgiveness is something you do for yourself not for him. And only when you are ready.
Right now this is HIS mess and it's up to him to clean it up!
Is he truly remorseful for the damage to you and your marriage or just that he got caught?
First of all he has to be totally transparent about the affair and cut off all contact. How long? When, Where, How much money was spent on this OW. Was it just one person or one night stands? He needs to fess up and he needs to listen to you and answer every question.
Part of our counseling interrogated my H over and over for months. He had to listen and hear me over and over.
As for the why , it took a long time to get to that. Be assured that the OW is not better than you. You are enough. He is the one with the problem.
It took many years for us to work through this. My H cheated in 2010 and it has been in the last year that I finally let go of the last of things. I finally , in 2018 accepted that I made the decision to stay and he had made full amends and continues to so I released the last resentment . It still is not easy. I will never forget. It is a reality.
And once in a while I have to take it off the shelf and bring it up and he has to listen. That is part of the healing.
We went to individual and couple counseling and after about 1 year we went Retrovaille-not sure if I spelled it right. In time you may want to check it out. Go to saveourmarriage.org or .com.
Also my H is a recovered alcoholic and had been sober 17 years when he cheated. He went back to AA and I started going to Al-Anon, this is a group for family of alcoholics. That was the best thing I did for my recovery.
You are in the right place. Daily Strength was one of my life lines.
You don't have to make any decisions right now. There are a lot of questions that need to be answered.
What does you H want to do? Is he willing to cut all ties to the OW? If not you will not be able to reconcile.
Do you have a pastor or church you can talk to?
Don't be afraid to reach out for help; however I caution not to share this with everyone because if you reconcile people judge. I had two good friends who knew and my sister at first. Reach out for help where it is safe to express your feelings.
For now take one day at a time. Take care of you.
Try and be gentle with yourself and don't feel you need to rush to make an decisions yet.
I pray that somehow you will be able to find the light at the end of this tunnel. Sending you hugs and a prayer, Stay strong!
When I told him, he just shrugged his shoulder. When we found out from a mutual friend whose comment was ‘anyone whose had sex and is older than 30 most likely has HPV’ only reassured my fiancé that in his eyes was no big deal.
I can’t prove that he cheated on me during our 5 yrs together or if it was something he already had and it just didn’t show up until now (according to my doctor).
But if your husband is admitting to it ONLY after you confronted him, then it was never an admission he was willing to give.
Trust was. broken and it will be a hard thing to get back, but it’s up to you to decide if you trust him. It’s not an easy decision. My fiancé did initially when we were dating and 5 years later, I still don’t trust him. So why am I with him? Because when I love, I love hard, and a big part of me wants to forgive him and move on. But a small corner of my heart doesn’t want to be broken by him anymore.