I have come across people going through something similar, but to be honest, my closest friends never have dealt with anything like what I deal with. It doesn't make it easier, however, as they don't understand me, or why it's such a big deal. Most of them have been divorced once already, and in their world, its just 1-2-3 and you go on. Plus, they don't know my husband very well - these are my friends I grew up with as a kid. They married our mutual guy friends and I married a stranger. Makes for weird conversations sometimes.

The thing is, anything can bring up the past hurts. I find it help me a lot to continually look at the big picture, and step outside the situation and take a moment to breathe. If you and your husband are making real progress, that's the most important thing.

Also, as far as your friend, it's very likely that one of you may end up divorced and the other still married. There's no telling how your paths will go with infidelity -- just be kind to one another and remember your friends is the point. Support her and ask for her support. You should be fine.

Hugs

Argh. I'm still sleepy - I meant, "Remember, you're friends - that's the point"

Sorry =)

I did. My girlfriend's husband walked out on her five years ago for another woman, and they remained married the ENTIRE TIME. Now, this is a girlfriend I had lost contact with ( she was one of my greatest friends), but contacted me about a month ago.

When she told me the story of how her husband left for five years, made a child and a family with his OW and how she didn't do much about it except stay married to him AND take him back after five years, I wanted to vomit. Now thats different from your situation, and it really did bring back painful feelings for me.

I help her the best I can, but in the back of my mind, I guess the advice I want to give her the most is the advice I wanted myself to take right away. Its very difficult being her friend and hearing her hurt, but I remain her friend and love her to pieces.

I just do the best I can to comfort her. Thats really all I can do. Now, if her husband walks out again and she stays married to the bastard AGAIN, I'm going to lose a friend real quick by my own willingness!

i found one of my good friends (well my husbands good friends but he is my friend two and i love him like a brother) was having an EA with an old girl friend. His wife is less than understanding and was a total Beyatch about it all. Anyways i was able to tell him the reasons why i could not be friends at all or contact at all the OM in my life because we were all friends, and all very close, but because it hurt his wife for him to be a close friend of mine, we had to break all contact off. That helped him and he broke it off completely and wont ever talk to her anymore (she was nuts and wanted him to leave his wife and kid for her) [i never wanted my om to leave his wife for the record, i just wanted to be his friend]
During the same time his wife was talking to me and asking my why this was happening, and i told her that maybe something was missing for him to do this, but she was convinced that she was perfect and that it was all his problem. Now he is a great man and he continues to put up with her (his wife that is) with her crap, yelling, accusing him of everything under the sun, he just puts up with it and gives her as much love as he can muster. She still wont admit there is or ever was anything wrong from her side of the relationship and he is on guard to not do anything to make her jealous but seriously their life would be better if she could look in the honesty mirror and find fault with herself. we are all imperfect and need help sometimes. BTW after she found out about my EA, she refuses to talk to me or have me babysitt her kid. Fine with me. I was only her friend to be nice since my husband and I were friends with her husband. I have a very hard time staying friends with people who never and i mean NEVER can admit they are ever wrong.

and as far as women who prey on husbands.... not saying i was preying on men but i would kind of flirt around. then one day it got the flirt back, and then it continue and more and more. If he had not flirted back there would have been nothing.

Happy people who are content in their relationships do not have affairs Emotional or Otherwise.

I know what was missing in my relationship, once i realized i had ended up in an EA (i was in denial for a while) and then WE (husband and I) worked together to fix it.

"and as far as women who prey on husbands.... not saying i was preying on men but i would kind of flirt around. then one day it got the flirt back, and then it continue and more and more. If he had not flirted back there would have been nothing."

What is this? Some half-assed explanation for Team OW? If he hadn't flirted back? Are you serious?

Listen, I'm coming down with a cold and I'm cranky as hell this morning and it's not personal, but if I EVER heard the OW in my h's life mutter these words, I would burn her down.

So, you just put the scent out there and the first dog to sniff gets a prize? That stupid bitch who cheated with my husband did the same thing, and it's NOT RIGHT. Being unhappy does not give anyone the right to mess up everyone else's lives.

No offense, but this hit too close to home for me.

Ally, It may not be same for everyone, but i get frustrated when we get pegged as "preying" on these men, as if the were poor helpless puppies.
I know i was wrong to flirt with anyone who is not my husband, and it is not a conscious decision i was making "i'll flirt with him and him and so on" but when the reply is continuous and a friendship sparks up, it was mutual friendship.
I was blamed by his wife and a friend for causing all the problems in their marriage. I sorry but I don't believe i have that kind of power. and if his marriage was sooo great why did he feel so trapped and stressed?
I am not perfect, i am not justifying my actions, but i refuse to take all the blame, and i don't think any other woman or other man should, unless they drugged or raped the "errant" spouse, which i doubt is the case.