Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
i just discovered that the woman that I’ve loved with all my heart and being is having some kind of affair with an old boyfriend. We’ve known each other 31 years and have been married since 1995.
I have proof thru phone records that she’s been talking to him on her phone (which she denies) at least 10 times in the past 2 weeks. And she has his number in her phone under “Jenn”.
i think she went out with him the other night but I cannot be certain.
I can’t even get past the fact that she’s lying about talking on the phone never mind if they’re banging.
Ive never cheated on her or have been suspected of it.
I’m not proud of the fact that I scoured the phone bill and ran the numbers as it’s spying but I figure if we’re both being sneaky then hey. I’m even less proud that I confirmed the contact in her phone but that was after the fact that it was this dude.
I broached the subject after an off handed comment by her about having male friends and she then denied it up and down. After the painful conversation we had she still texted him right in front of me (that is what made me want to look in her phone).
shes now kinda acting like everything is fine and almost normal.
we haven’t been intimate in a long time for which she attributes my back surgery but I’ve shown interest in sex but to no avail.
i want so bad to confront the guy say thru a ghost text so it’s not me direct and if he says something to her and if it gets back then the cat is out of the bag.
Believe me that’s not my initial plan but I’m not about to break the law or hurt anyone over something like this. I know I’m HYPER emotional and I shouldn’t make any decisions in this state.
WHAT THE F**K SHOULD I DO HERE?!
This is agony.
When I suggested counseling, her reply was “if that’s something you want to do then we will” not “yes I’m into that, let’s try to save this.
She’s in counseling for stress due to aging parents and whatnot. She drinks one big wine every night and also takes Zoloft, Trazadone and something else for anxiety.
I don’t drink or smoke or do any drugs.
My personal thought about psychoanalysis is that it’s a scam and why do I need someone to tell me how to feel, but the marriage counseling seems like a good route. She doesn’t seem into it however.
Marriage counseling is only helpful once the cheater admits to cheating.
As long as she is lying, forget it. She will lie in those sessions, too.
You need to confront her. Tell her you know she is cheating. You know who she is cheating with. You do not need to furnish proof. You do not need to explain how you know. If she does not admit to it, and apologize, then you need to deliver up consequences. Tell her to leave.
Most A will go underground. So be prepared for that as well.
Feel free to contact her lover and tell him to leave your wife alone.
You do not need to be secretive about it. Out him. Affairs can go on
because of secrecy.
Good luck!
I’m sorry for your troubles as well.
I always ran my life under the idea that I would never cheat on her because #1 I’m just not wired that way (quite honestly not to be gross or crass but any pent up sexual energy is best rubbed out), but moreover I would NEVER want that feeling of the betrayal. I’ve been f**ked over by so many “friends” growing up that I know the pain too well.
I put a call into a therapist but I agree with you 100%. It would be the sound of one hand clapping unless she is remorseful and repentant.
My gut was to do just what you suggested and contact him. I’m afraid that even tho I would absolutely never let it come to anything physical or anything like that, she could get me red flagged and there goes my safe full of my guns.
I love my wife and I want nothing more for all this to just go away but I know it will never be repaired to the way it once was.
I guess I’m going to wait and see if she still talks to him as it kinda seems she is more attentive and affectionate.
I don’t know, I’m still just blown out of the water here.
I wish you strength and balance in your life.
Peace
I’m someone who notices EVERY-FRIGGIN-THING, and that is what got me here I guess.
Living in blissful ignorance can have its strong points I guess.
This is/was a marriage that never problems. Always loving, never adversarial.
I just thought I would grow old with this person.
Gather information. Then calmly confront her with everything you have. If she denies it then ask to see if all of your friends and family would see it that way also...
I am trying like hell to rebuild my life, or what's left of it. if marriage counselling is still an option for you...it be be worth a shot. at least you would know you gave it your all. take care, hugs from me
I’m keeping an eye on the phone bill for sure.
I think she may have gotten a stroke of repentance. She now seems very affectionate. We went to mass today (something I’ve been turned off to since our beloved pup passing) and I got REALLY emotional and almost lost it. This mental torture is absolutely the worst thing I’ve had to push thru.
Weird tho, today I’m fairly positive she lied about a text from a girl she knows (the one she said she was with at a pub/eatery last weekend) but there was no texts at all from that time on the bill (not even from the other guy). I’m thinking she’s trying to cover her tracks by making me think she’s communicating with her.
So I think I may talk to the priest who married us in ‘95 who we’ve stayed in touch with. He’s a great old Italian guy who talks very plainly and even swears at times. Very down to earth.
Even tho I’m on the fence about my faith, I trust this guy.
So, I’m thinking if I see that number one more time it’s time? Am I being a coward?
I hate to think even if she curtailed what ever type of affair this is, she “got away” with it.
I KNOW if the tables were turned, I’d be out on my ass a long time ago.
And I also know if that happened, how much I would cherish being forgiven and being blessed with a chance to earn her trust back and to live the life I had hoped for.
I
You are hoping that this will somehow magically go away and that you won't have to deal with the fact that your wife is not who she has portrayed herself to be all these years.
Unfortunately nothing can put humpty dumpty back together again.
Without confession and repentance there will be no change or stopping of the cheating. Given that you go to mass you understand this very well to be true.
Your fear of her just running off and leaving you alone is holding you back. It also seems that you don't want to let go of the image of the marriage you had and the person you thought she was.
It is a hard reality to face and you can no longer live in the fantasy she had you believe.
Ultimatums need to be made in most cases in order to get a confession and promote repentance. If there is no confession/repentance then separation is required. Otherwise you will only enable her cheating to continue.