Yeah, she is in "the fog". Not sure why but most CS say the same thing. They need justification. This is gonna suck. But she needs to let you see her phone! I am not sure if you have enough proof that this was going on. You need to tell your family. Her mother and father, your kids, and your friends. Her secret affair needs to get a little public!

As long as 3 people are in your marriage nothing will change. She actually has taken a dastardly turn of arrogance and almost shoving it into your face.
She is completely uncaring and insensitive of what this is doing to you and your children.

I'm sorry but it's time for you to take the bull by the horns and for your children's sake show them TEACH them this is not a healthy relationship,

Let mom play on game of war while you put your foot down, see an attorney, and take control. She needs to be given an ultimatum that you need to be prepared to withhold on your end.

Reading your story, I honestly can feel your pain. I can also understand feeling as a failure as a partner, I myself felt the same way when I found out about my ex-husband. All I can say is one, Do what you feel is right for you, don't be stuck and feeling hurt and lonely. two, you're not a failure, it's such a default for us who didn't ask for this or who didn't actually do anything for this to happen. Three, look at your options and make a better life for yourself and find love and be in a healthly relationship for yourself. But I also understand that this can be extremely hard. All the best!

Ugggg hearing this makes me sick. She sounds like my cheating partner of 11 years. Nothing but arrogance and lack of respect or empathy. They just do what suits them and almost mock you for having feelings about it. I think you know it will never stop. Time to decide if you want to live with it or live the life you deserve.

The complete lack of empathy from your wife shows the degree of narcissism. Laughing at the severe pain of a spouse that you caused really shows her true colors.

Adultery is the failure of the adulterer and not the betrayed spouse. Don't let someone else's actions affect your self worth.

You really do need to "be a man" in the sense where you don't let yourself be abused further by your wife. Ultimatums need to be made when she refuses to tell you the truth and provide open access to her devices/accounts.

The truth is that she doesn't deserve a faithful spouse or this marriage. She may feel entitled to have a husband and family as well as an affair, but it is one of many delusions in her mind.

I hope her delusion that she can continue to do whatever she wants with impunity and without repercussions is false, but that is entirely up to you.

You deserve someone who is capable of loving you. A narcissist can't. Ever. They don't want to. We're just playthings for them. Please get individual counseling for yourself to help you get through this and to learn to know your worth, and get tested for STDs immediately.

So sorry ur going through this. She is most likely still having an affair. Why else would she lock her phone. She is indeed in the "fog" she has no clue at all of the pain she is causing to you or the kids. Get some counseling for urself. Ur NOT a failure it's not ur fault don't let her make u feel that way. Pick up the little bit if self respect she left you and leave. She will not change as she just has no remorse. Show ur kids that this behaviour is unhealthy. Stay strong ur better off in the blind run without her. And I'm sorry to say this but please take care of urself and get STD tested. Wish u well ur not alone we are all in the same shitty boat

Why did she stop therapy? She HAS to be in therapy if there is ANY chance of this working out. I would insist on that or leave. If she has any feeling left, she will do that otherwise you can't force her to work on it. if you both do not want to work at it- it is over and I am discovering that right now. My CS was in therapy and was still in contact with his mistress despite his promise to me and the therapist to sever all ties. That is not working on the marriage- so I am done.

Thanks everyone

I too, feel your pain. My husband has had multiple affairs online and in person, receiving naked pics as well from other women online, and dating site accounts. I'm floored and a loss for words. I'm still going through the pain, as he too ended up locking his phone and email accounts and will not share his passwords for social media, etc. He says he isn't doing anything (right now), but since he lied about going to counseling last year when he asked me to stop the divorce, which we did, he's not kept his word, I have no resolve and so many unanswered questions. I recently kicked him out and I'm even more worried about our marriage. What our spouses are doing is very disrespectful and they have no remorse for the pain they have inflicted upon us. It is useless to try to explain how we feel.....they just don't get it, or they just don't care. Lack of empathy is a narcissistic trait. We are torn between wanting to be with who we love and loving ourselves more. After enough of this emotional abuse and lack of getting our needs met and our feelings not being validated by our unfaithful spouses, we simply are too exhausted to continue this nightmare and are forced to just move on without them, just to survive. It is so devastating and we have gone through enough trauma that is similar to PTSD. I pray they get what they deserve, because they truly do not deserve our loyalty, trust, love or commitment to them. Hang in there. I know it's so tough.