Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hello everyone! Me again. I am in desperate need for advice. I am 5 months past DDay and can not seem to keep my mind from wandering to the period of my CH affair. We are separated and he has NC with the OW at all. However, his NC came 2 months after DDay, when he left me crying in front of her house. I immediately went to a lawyer and filed for divorce, seeing as how he had made his choice clear. He says now that he did not know what to do. I feel like any decision he made at that time was to further his affair, and no answer he gives me calms me or makes me feel as if his love me for never died. Especially because he called me 3 days after and told me he would not throw away 17 years for 'just sex'. Looking back, his answers are different than they were or would have been then. But he can say anything he wants now because she is out of the picture. My question is this, how do I stop thinking about all that he did to be with her?! My mind races and I can't help wondering how he could blow me off to go Christmas shopping to go to lunch with her, and then go shopping by himself for his wife and children, texting me the whole time. Or have no problem texting her while with me, but not text me when he was with her? How does one put these thoughts out if their mind on a daily basis? I am so tired of obsessing about these choices that were out if my control!
This statement seems like you are making an excuse for him, there is no need for him to do it.
All of this is bad for everyone here. Everyone has their limits on what they will tolerate and what they won't so this is all up to you.
YOUR husband left you crying outside and went with his OTHER WOMAN. Now she is gone and he comes running back to old reliable. What if she comes back then what? Nah, for me this is one of my limits along with outside kids (I have more but these two are at the very top). If you chose her when it meant the most then you stay with her. If he had come running after you right then and there and showed action of doing what he could to save the marriage, that is something I might think about and work with. But nope, he sent you on your way to deal with this alone and they went and did what they did for 3 days.
How do you stop thinking about it? You probably never will but again that is for you to decide if you want to look at him for the rest of your life and think of all this mess or if you want to wash your hands of him and try to start healing yourself or do you all want to try to heal together. For me there is no competition and there is no coming back after you have flat out told me you chose the other woman, or I want to divorce you, I don't love you or whatever the wording, that is all I need to hear. I don't need you to do me any favors and say oh well, since things didn't work out with the woman I thought I loved more than MY WIFE, I guess I'll come back to you now.
It's still soon after your discovery but I would suggest you take a breather and really think on all this before making any decision.
I just couldn't deal with even thinking about my husband sitting around pining after some other women while we are together. When I know in the heat of the moment, he made a clear choice, not I need to think about things (even though,to me, that is already a choice ), and I was not that choice, me, the wife, was second runner up in my own marriage.
I will say that now, 8 months later, I can see how much I panicked. I would have been fine then but there is a lot rushing through your mind when first finding out. About 3 month out (it took so long because it took 2 months to dig up and find things so it tool longer to start healing) I felt more stable still very emotional, even today was a bad day for me but I feel more grounded now. So take some time and think about YOU, what you want, what you can deal with, what you can tolerate. YOU not what he wants... YOU! I think he has already been selfish enough with getting is wants met don't you?