It takes two to rebuild a marriage after infidelity. He's not on board. Give him consequences. He needs to know that he cannot continue to lie to you and carry on his affair.
When I found out about my H, I kicked him out of our house, met with an attorney, and set up my own bank account. My H did move back in and has not been involved with another women since dday, and we are in MC. However, if he continued to have affairs, I would be divorced. I would not have tried MC at all.
You can't be the only one working on your marriage. Your H must be with you and doing everything he can to show you that he wants to save his marriage. He's not doing that.

Greenis, you say "We've been working...". That is incorrect. YOU'VE been working. Like Lyra... said, it takes two.

He sent her the card after you were "reconciling". He said he loved her. He wants to move closer to her. He lies to you and denies everything. He controls the finances. All this after your D-day and your "reconcilliation".

What do you do you ask? You get all the access to all the accounts that matter. You fully protect yourself. And then you kick him out. NOTHING SHORT OF THIS WILL WORK!!! Your situation is a case for drastic action.

You need to face this greenis head on. Stop it one way or the other right now. Personally though, I think he needs to go right now.

Sorry you have to face this. Wishing you some strength through all of it.

-TheRule

I'm with therule.

It's possible to recover, but ONLY if you play hardball.
He needs to know that you don't need him.
File for divorce and get him out asap.
He needs to be woken up.

This is called 'the 180".

Agree. You're being played. Make like a tree and leave.

UPDATE: he refused to leave. So, I left. Yes, I went back home to my family and yes, they are flippin pissed.

Is this the same guy who would not defend you to his Ex Wife in child abuse allegations? And now he's looking to move and sending out mushy cards to the OW?

Sounds like a keeper.

Not.

You left? Good choice. Sending you support, L~

If it is the same guy L refers to, I'd stay gone. It would appear he hasn't been on your side during much.

YEP, same guy.

I will say this, Karma is taking care of everything.

Now I just need to find some work ... wish me luck!

Wishing you LOTS of luck...

I'm glad you left. I was going to say clean out the accounts completely... My guess is he's already spent his 1/2 on the OW...

He is still seeing her or atleast wants to see her. You need to talk to him about it. He is trying to get one over you. He is doing this in front of your face and you are letting him get by with it. It's very obvious what he is doing. He is still pursuing this woman and the day will come when he will try to leave for her. My H did it for months, then when I found out and confronted him he said he would stop talking to her and each time he always started talking to her again within a day or two and now they are together.

You kick him out. Today.

He is not working on the marriage, he is not owing up to his part of this and the damage he is done. He clearly has NO intention of leaving the OW alone. Birthday or not, that is inexcusable. And he is STILL disrespecting your marriage.

It'll happen again. He hasn't learned a damn thing and he clearly has no interest in respecting your boundaries.

Your marriage cannot be rebuilt on the efforts of one person. I know it sounds ridiculous, but you need to tell him to choose between your marriage and his adultery. And make it clear that if he chooses the adultery, he won't be doing so under your roof.