Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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pagliaroj 09/13/2016

So I finally thought I was getting over everything that happened 3 years ago but for the past 2 weeks I can't help but be constantly reminded of what was the start of a relationship my wife had with a co-worker on a business trip. I am doing my best to look past it and move on, and she really has done a lot to show she has changed, but it is still bothering me right now. Do I bring this to her attention or just hope these thoughts and feelings go away soon?

StormPetrel 09/13/2016

You need to bring up how you are feeling to her. Her actions are why you are feeling like this. It is up to her to reassure you and comfort you.

Sometimes the slightest thing and set me off into a funk. This is not where I want to be. I reach out for my husband immediately. He knows now he has to apologize (yet again!), tell me he loves me, and ask what he needs to do to comfort me. It helps me to have him accept responsibility for his A and its consequences.

So, yes, reach out to your W. I hope she is not still working with her AP.

gravinggirl 09/13/2016

I would bring it up gently, as it has been a long time. That would probably send me into a shame spiral if I were your wife, but I would still want to know.

Lenoire 09/13/2016

What is it in particular that is bothering you three years later; can you break it down? Sometimes writing these things out, can help us make sense of them.

pagliaroj 09/14/2016

I can try and break it down. Unfortunately for me part of the cause of the A was the fact that I end up having to work a lot. Usually 70 hours a week, 6-7 days a week including evenings. It is not easy on my wife and I know this. After everything happened I did my best to be around more often and be more attentive when at home. Recently that is just not possible with my job. I am looking for a new job because I don't want to end up in the same scenario but at the pace I am going I don't have a ton of time to even look elsewhere. Anyway, I can feel things starting to trend back to when this all started. The normalcy at home is apparent. And even when I try to do something impulsive or change things up, the desire on her end just isn't there. This is exactly how we ended up in that situation 3 years ago and I know it and I am trying to avoid it. But if she is going to make any effort to get us out of the routine what can I actually do? And yes I have expressed this to her on a few occasions but it seems to only either sink in for a day or so, or put her into a depressed state where she has to constantly reflect on her past mistakes.

Lenoire 09/14/2016

If your job impedes on your relationship, perhaps it's time to get serious about changing jobs, if that's the trigger. Place the importance on your relationship, and not on your job, and do what you have to do. Call in sick for a week or take vacation and use that time to find a new suitable position.

If she is not showing interest, perhaps it's because she doesn't see any real change or believe it's ever going to happen. That being said, working long hours is not a reason for her to go and have another affair. If you fear this, you probably haven't reconciled successfully, and there are issues that must be attended to.

You are the commander of your ship, and in life we always have choices, so it's up to you to decide the path you're going to take. Don't blame it on a situation you can do something about.

I wish you both well.

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