I have seen changes. Now he wants to spend time with me and our kids and he does. He will get the babysitter and plan the whole evening. He doesn't complain that his life is the toughest and that he is a special case. He listens without excuses or to "fix me".

I have seen changes, but for us it's been 2 months since DDay and we are in counseling and reading books, etc. My H is trying extremely hard to show me he has changed and wants our marriage to work. But I still don't trust him and I wonder if I ever will. I know I won't be able to live like that. I'm hoping that will change.

I am the same as Kerri75. I have actually seen huge changes but it is still always hard to trust they are perminant.

I have seen changes but I almost feel they are to late. He should of been making these changes 2 years ago. He too finally realized what he was giving up. He has quit being so selfish and seems to be more like the man I married. But all trust is gone and I dont know how to get it back.

I think you will see changes if he truely doesn't want the marriage to end. My H had 1 while on a work trip and several years of stress with us. I know he is freaked with the idea I could leave because of his betrayal and he really wants us and his remorseful. BUT I wish I could get the whole idea of what happened out of my head. I think sometimes if we go back a step because since I'm so upset still and angry he will have thoughts of his little fling. Those thoughts on my end I think make it so hard to keep going forward. You will always wonder if he's in some fantasy of that time because of an argument. Who knows. I have kids and I keep pluggin away for the family. I haven't seen him slide back yet but I'll keep you posted I'm only a week from finding out.Take Care of yourself by exercising and or taking a walk to keep yourself mentally and physically OK.

It's so hard to tell. H did things back then to show he was working on our marriage when he was actually still having contact with the OW. So how am I to believe he is being true now?

I have seen significant changes, but in my mind, the doubt is always there. When he was deeply in love with the OW, he told me the only reason he didn't get a divorce was that he couldn't afford it (financially) and that he wanted to be home with our kids. So now I just keep wondering if his affection is an act, or the real thing. He fooled me once into thinking everything was fine while he was in love with someone else. I'm afraid every day that it will happen again. But on the other hand, I'm thankful every day that he's here with us (our kids and me.) The day he packed his bags and left, I prayed to God that if he would just come home, I'd take him back in any form. So now I have to tell myself, I got him back, so if he's thinking of her or just going through the motions with me, I have to live with that.


P.S. Seananne, what do you mean you're a week away from finding out?

It's been 3 yrs since I reunited w/ my H. We moved 800 miles away from the OW & she has since married someone else. I've seen a hell of alot of changes. He no longer keeps secrets from me & I have his email passwords & total access to his cell phone & the phone bill. I guess I loved him enough to believe he could change & he did. Good luck!

It's nearing a year in Feburary since SO and I reunited. I was the cheater but I think we've both changed in order to save the relationship. It doesn't feel like a struggle anymore to compromise.

It's a rough road to hoe and you both have to be 100% into giving and I think it helps if there is alot of love... at least at some point.

I've seen some changes. But, I feel something just isn't right. I've asked for his pass words to his email accounts and the pass word to check his cell phone account on more then one occassion. I'm still waiting. H changes the subject when the subject comes up. The way I look at it if you don't have anything to hide - why not give the pass words up?!

H says he loves me and plans to grow old with me.(when this was first brought to light H told me he loved the whore, but not like he loved me - WTF!) But that's what I always thought, and then he goes and has a EA that last's 14+ months. So, I really don't trust a thing he tells me these days. So SAD! I wonder if h is just waiting until our son finishes school in two years. Then will he leave me for her then? H might have the best of two worlds right now. Me doing everything trying to save our marriage and him still having his whore on the side. I spared H the embarrassment of our family and friends finding out and kept his dirty little secret. So h has had to face very little trama in this matter. Sorry for rambleing! Prayers to us all!