When H has his affair several years ago, I remember him saying to me "I couldn't stand it if you had an affair and would probalby leave." It really made me mad that I was expected to stay and act like nothing happened, but he threatens me to leave if I do as he did.

It's a long road...

When I asked my H he said...
Your a better person than I am,he'd leave! I guess my H makes his own rules!

My H told me that if there was another man involved EVER that he would leave. So thats why I keep distanced from alot of people and esp guys. Unless (sry) their gay and can basically prove it. lol Sad as that sounds my husband is jealous of gay guys too! wft?
I dont think they can come close to understanding the pain we as the cheatees go though. Not even close.
God Bless!
-Angel-

Oh yes I asked him "What would he do if I had an affair on him?" He would reply,
"I don't know, I've never been cheated on?" So of course I tell him to imagine it !! Sometimes he has little dreams and wakes up, mad at me and I ask him what for? He tells me he had a dream of me cheating on him, I tell him welcome to my world at least it's just a dream for you but it is reality for me!!!

Yes. We talked about that. If I had the affair instead of her, she would have kicked me out of the house. She thought I was having an affair, anyhow. That's one of the "reasons" she had for justifying her affair. Of course, I didn't have an affair. I never have wanted to have one. I've told her a few times when she was so depressed and guilty about what she did, that I thought the only way she would stop feeling guilty was for me to have my own affair. She didn't think that was a great idea. Of course, it isn't. It would really complicate things. It would make us both feel horrible in different ways. But, it would definitely put us on equal footing.

I don't really think her code of ethics changed in our conversations. I think she sort of wanted me to have an affair so she could be free to do what she wanted with the other man. It was her way to justify what she wanted to do. But, she never could prove I was having an affair, obviously. I wasn't. So, she went ahead and did her thing, all the time telling him and her friends that it was because I was cheating on her. She even joined some chat boards and told them that her husband was cheating on her. That really made me angry when I found that. I REFUSE to lower myself to that standard.

The first time my husband had an affair(and actually left me for a couple of months) I had sex just once with an old school friend because I felt if we were ever to try again it was the only way I could cope. I felt he should feel some of the pain I did. Also, he had destroyed a really special and ireplaceable bond as neither of us had had a sexual partner before we met. True to form in his words he was "incensed" by what I had done but yet it was ok for him to sneak of "on business" to have sex with the other woman behind my back on a regular basis and let her sleep in the marital bed while I was away visiting my parents. Cheaters seem to have a very warped view of what is and is not acceptable. They generally have a lot of double standards and not just in regard to this topic!!

We both know that he would never have been able to live with it and he NEVER would have taken me back. No question.

My H once said that he would kick me out if I ever cheated. I reminded him of this after I found out he was the one who had cheated and his response was that he hadn't meant what he'd said and would be more magnanimous than I was being with his deception. What a load of BS. The story changes to mitigate his behaviour. Double standards is what it is!!!!!

I am just amazed at jut how fast someone can change, he went from treating me like garbage for the last several months, to "not knowing what he wanted" Then when I told him I talked to my ex, he started acting all wierd 'asking me questions, "How do you know where he lives?" How long we're you over there?" I told him doesen't feel to good does it, "Its not right you had feelings for this guy once "He kept saying to me, Finally I shot back to him "Well atelast If I had slept with him it would of meant something, not pick up some guy from a bar, "I don't get it, I think things changed when he asked me if I had feelings for my ex, I said I would always have feelings for him he was my frist love, we were 16 and 17 when we met we were going to get married, duh we had lives before our spouses right???

My H and I have always joked about cheating, Not to funny now that this is reality, I would always say I would leave him and he would say that he would never cheat on me unless it was with someone who made a lot of money because he knew he would be paying me. He told me he would not leave me if I cheated.
Three months into my H's affair he told me we were over, done, getting a divorce, mind you I had no idea about the affair I just knew he was a totally different man and he made it seem like there were all these issues he had with me, but I never knew any of this. Anyways when he told me we were over, a friend of mine introduced me to a divorced man who was recently divorced, she thought this would help me. Well it helped alright, trust me I wasn't looking for someone at all.....but he was so nice to me and I enjoyed his company we began seeing each other more and more and yes there was sex several times. We were seeing each other for 5 weeks, my H found out about this 2 days before he confessed to me about his affair, kind of ironic. I chose to work it out with my H, but am truly grateful that this man came into my life. Funny thing is my H can't stand that I was with someone but he knows he can't say a darn thing about it because it would not have happened had his affair not happened. My H's OW lives 8 hours away, but the guy I was with lives 10 minutes away, we run into him at clubs and it drives my H nuts. The only thing I hate is my H tries to compare the two, I tell him there was no betrayal, no deceit, no leaving him to be with the other guy. I did this when I thought we were over. Sounds awful but at least he can feel some of the same pain that I feel and worst of all he brought it all on himself.