Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
If you're like me and swore you would forever listen to your gut once dday happened and all your worst beliefs came true, then how do you calm yourself down almost two years later, when you have absolutely not a shred of proof but yet your gut and alarms are going off like crazy?
My cs has done complete transparency since dday and continues to and for the first time since dday I now am asking for his phone and checking his email, etc... and I have absolutely no clue why? Is it just that the summer was when they were having their affair and it's simply an emotional trigger time for me? And we are returning to Vegas on Sunday which is the vacation we and my best friend went on together when I was in complete denial of their affair? (Yes, my hubby took his mistress on vacation with us) So is this the reason my alarms are going off? But we did go to Vegas since that trip so it's not like this is the first trip back since then. I don't know, I'm just so messed up and like I've said there is absolutely nothing that has happened or that I can find that makes me question him, so why now? Why am I on high alert now, when I haven't been for well over a year?
Of course the doubt has him a mess because he knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on because of the past affair and there is absolutely nothing he can do or say to quiet my suspicions. He continues to be 100% transparent and even offered to order the phone records or whatever else I need to feel secure but then I just think to myself, well he wouldn't be stupid enough to do this again without having a separate phone that I know nothing about this time around. Crap, any suggestions you guys have or past experiences that may have kicked your imagination into overdrive are welcome. Thanks for reading.
My cs has done complete transparency since dday and continues to and for the first time since dday I now am asking for his phone and checking his email, etc... and I have absolutely no clue why? Is it just that the summer was when they were having their affair and it's simply an emotional trigger time for me? And we are returning to Vegas on Sunday which is the vacation we and my best friend went on together when I was in complete denial of their affair? (Yes, my hubby took his mistress on vacation with us) So is this the reason my alarms are going off? But we did go to Vegas since that trip so it's not like this is the first trip back since then. I don't know, I'm just so messed up and like I've said there is absolutely nothing that has happened or that I can find that makes me question him, so why now? Why am I on high alert now, when I haven't been for well over a year?
Of course the doubt has him a mess because he knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on because of the past affair and there is absolutely nothing he can do or say to quiet my suspicions. He continues to be 100% transparent and even offered to order the phone records or whatever else I need to feel secure but then I just think to myself, well he wouldn't be stupid enough to do this again without having a separate phone that I know nothing about this time around. Crap, any suggestions you guys have or past experiences that may have kicked your imagination into overdrive are welcome. Thanks for reading.
HOWEVER, whenever he is ready to go to a conference (the big trigger for me), i feel that pit in my stomach getting bigger and bigger.
Feeling the anxiety and being hyper vigilant.
Maybe it is just our defense mechanism kicking in,.. Whether our fears at that moment are founded not. It is like the PTSD heyjules mentioned - which can happen to anyone who has suffered a major traumatic event in life.
I think because of what we HAVE all been through there will always be an element of doubt that creeps in every once in awhile. Another by product of the damage. We just have to take that leap of faith while we ride out the anxiety and do that really hard thing... TRUST
L~
It sort of helped, but I think inside I am always waiting to pick it up one day and see a text from him.
anyway thank you all so much and the PTSD thing makes complete sense. I hope someday to feel comfortable enough with Vegas that I can send him on his way but until that trust reaches better levels I feel safer going with and us working through it together. Oh what I wouldn't give for the stuff that happens in Vegas to truly stay in Vegas :)