I'm very sorry you're here and for what you've been going through. Please get tested for STDs. Consider individual counseling for you alone right now-to help you deal with the trauma and to help you discern if his treatment of you is acceptable to you. Cheaters who are remorseful and want to repair their relationships don't say things like you are mean angry fat or unfuckable. What I see from the outside looking in, is a cheater who is royally pissed off he got caught. This is not remorse. You cannot love him into faithfulness or treating you the way you deserve to be treated. You can't do the work *for* him. And this is NOT your fault. Blaming, lying, and minimizing are all classic cheater moves. Ghosting you while he was depressed and had the *sadz* while you did all the heavy lifting as the loyal wife appliance is also very very typical cheater behavior. There is likely more to this than you know at the moment.

So sorry what ur going through, we all have been there or are still in the mess you're not alone.
Betrayedtodeath has wise words. First of this is NOT ur fault. cheaters cheat because they have a problem, because they lack morals and empathy and feel entitled, they don't cheat because of you, please do never ever allow him to make you believe this is your fault. this is 100% on him. If he doesn't love you anymore, he could have had the decency to break up before cheating, if he felt there was an issue in the relationship he could have talked to you about it, but no HE choose cheating like all of them.
He seems mad at the world, also a common trait of cheaters, blaming everyone else except themselves.
If he has depression he needs to get help, therapy and antidepressants, continuing without any help is a guarantee set up for more failure, cheating and pain for you.
He needs therapy regardless for his cheating issue, if he doesn't see that there is no hope.
I really understand you love him and you want the man back you thought he was, but that man is gone, doesn't exist and never did exist, cause the man you thought he was would have never done this to you. But of course you just found out, you cannot just stop loving him, that takes time, you're only 1 week in, you're still trying to piece everything together. give yourself time, slowly in the next few weeks you will start to see him for what he really is, who he really is and what he has done to you. that takes time.

You're 1 week in, its very unlikely he told you the complete truth yet, usually they only admit to what you found out about, so please be prepared there is likely much more to his cheating, probably still continuing or more women, etc, im not saying this to hurt you, but please be realistic, what you know is likely only 25% of the truth, please get STD tested ASAP.

You want to work things out, very understandable, but he is not remorseful, he has no clue if the pain he caused you, he does not own up to his mistakes and he doesn't seem to want help, he blames you. You cant fix things only from ur side, your setting urself up for a lot more pain and he's going to treat you like a doormat, cause you want to keep him, and he want to keep cheating cause you will stick around anyway so he thinks.
At this moment you cant safe this relationship, I don't say its never savable, but he needs to first hit rock bottom, be remorsefull, own up to his mistakes and realize the pain he caused, he needs to want to change and start individual counseling.

Im worried for you he is going to cause you more pain. I so understand your pain about that he cheated when you and a baby, mine cheated while I was pregnant and after, I still cant wrap my head around it, its beyond our understanding but it happened.
If at all possible take some distance, maybe kick him out for a bit or move out urself with baby for a bit, take time for urself and start individual counseling for urself.
Either the time apart makes him realize what he has done, or he shows his true colors and keeps blaming and cheating that makes leaving a lot easier. hugs stay strong momma, you're not alone

there is hope and there is reality, they don't always intersect
there is love and love in return, they don't always intersect
there is no justification for betrayal
there is no justification for call the mother of own's child, "mean and angry fat and unfuckable"

hope, maybe it is better to hope for the best thing to work out for your child, i'd imagine that would include your husband fixing himself and the marriage and family healing, i do believe that regardless... it does include you understanding that you cannot tolerate such disrespect * if hubby won't get on the path, you gotta go it without him, it is a bad thing for a child to see a parent come to disrespect their own-selves

This really resonates with me. I'm definitely not sitting around letting a man disrespect me. I will become whole again with or without him. I am devastated and enraged...two emotions I don't think I've ever felt before. I'm being the grown up. We have 2 children who need their parents to be there for them. I told him today I won't make any decisions about our marriage for 6 months and that we need to go to couples therapy because again, I am the grow up. He said no to therapy even though he was begging me for therapy when I first found out. So I'm on the path. Im making an appointment for us and if he shows up that's on him. I'm not naive about solving this on our own. This is not something that can be brushed under the rug. There has been so much trauma over 7 days, but I won't let it kill me that's for sure.

I am so glad that you are not being codependent. There are many people who are cheated on and cling to an unrepentant cheater just to avoid being alone.

Essentially allowing more abuse to occur. You have taken a stand and that will help you recover and grow stronger. No one needs poisonous people in their lives.

Good on you. You sound strong and you don't need him to move forward. You are an awesome example for your kids. And either he gets his shit together and jump on your train to healing or he doesn't. Sounds like ur on the right track for urself.
It's disappointing he said no to therapy. That s concerning. Keep ur alerts on to make sure he's not still cheating.
But regardless he's a mess and ur strong. You can do this

Thanks for that. I have let a lot go even though this is so devastating. I was corresponding with her but stopped. Because what's the point? I feel now like he either stops cheating or he doesn't. He stops lying or he doesn't. Im thinking about going to a crisis center tonight and asking him to come
I'm about to make a therapy appointment. For myself. He's been at home but from what I've learned he's also using drugs. My sweet husband is literally non recognizable. I need to grieve for that person I once knew.

Yes I know that feeling the partner we thought we had doesn't exist anymore. Tgats definitely grieving. If he's into drugs that definitely contributes to his weird behaviour. It's hard to pull him away from the drugs. Ur doung everything right and either he wants to or he doesn't. He needs to want to stop drugs and change and want therapy. Otherwise it doesn't. Very good ur going to therapy for you. It will help you get stronger and get answers.
And ur right to stop taking with her she's poison. There's nothing she can truly say that eod help you so ur 100% right to cut off contact
Wish you the best

I wish there was a way to upvote your replies. I was going to, but you all did such a great job!

So, you are dealing with two children and a man who is not only cheating but doing drugs. You definitely should talk someone regardless of if he goes or not. At this point you probably need to do it more for yourself than the relationship. I agree that you should get tested for STD as soon as possible. I'm glad you stopped corresponding with her because like you stated what's the point and why would you believe either of them. If he is not willing to go to counseling you may have to accept that and focus on yourself and your children. You can't force a person to do anything and you can't rely on them for your happiness. I hope things get better soon.