Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
ok for those of you that have read my posts and comments you know that my w had the a. And that she tends to enjoy spending time with the TV and the computer and her books more than with our kids and i. I do a majority of the chores arround the house and playing with the kids.
The last few months her father has been staying with us a couple weeks a month to lower our day care costs. He has a habit of doing some of the chores arround the house so when she comes home from work all she has to do is sit in front of the tv and relax.
Well we are moving in a month to a new house, and working with m individual counselor i came up with some guidelines to present to my w at our next MC meeting, as to what we should do when we move and start fresh. So i thought i would put them out here, and see if anyone had any additional thoughts or comments.
Guidelines requested for moving to other house
No tv in our bedroom (will help us communicate)
No texting in our bedroom (major trigger for me when she texts at night rather than pay attention to me)
Only us and our kids allowed in our room. (her dad tends to go in our room to put cloths away or just because the master bath was more convient for him)
o No more her parents in our room.
No keyed locks on any bedroom doors (her father likes to have a keyed lock on his door but insists he have access to all other areas of my house)
We make dinner as a couple/ family unless conflicts in scheduling does not allow
We share household chores as if there is no other help in the house
o If Katriina does not want to share house hold chores, and would rather substitute that so she can have her down time, I want the responsibility of all house hold chores.
No age inappropriate tv shows while kids are around.
o If Katriina wants to watch her shows before kids go to bed, I can be responsible to take the kids outside to play or to another area of the house.
No hiding of bills, financial information, computer screens or phones. Need to be as open as possible.
The last few months her father has been staying with us a couple weeks a month to lower our day care costs. He has a habit of doing some of the chores arround the house so when she comes home from work all she has to do is sit in front of the tv and relax.
Well we are moving in a month to a new house, and working with m individual counselor i came up with some guidelines to present to my w at our next MC meeting, as to what we should do when we move and start fresh. So i thought i would put them out here, and see if anyone had any additional thoughts or comments.
Guidelines requested for moving to other house
No tv in our bedroom (will help us communicate)
No texting in our bedroom (major trigger for me when she texts at night rather than pay attention to me)
Only us and our kids allowed in our room. (her dad tends to go in our room to put cloths away or just because the master bath was more convient for him)
o No more her parents in our room.
No keyed locks on any bedroom doors (her father likes to have a keyed lock on his door but insists he have access to all other areas of my house)
We make dinner as a couple/ family unless conflicts in scheduling does not allow
We share household chores as if there is no other help in the house
o If Katriina does not want to share house hold chores, and would rather substitute that so she can have her down time, I want the responsibility of all house hold chores.
No age inappropriate tv shows while kids are around.
o If Katriina wants to watch her shows before kids go to bed, I can be responsible to take the kids outside to play or to another area of the house.
No hiding of bills, financial information, computer screens or phones. Need to be as open as possible.
BUT (you knew there was a 'but' coming...)
Just my opinion here, but this chick has a serious TV issue. She needs to get her nose back into her kids and her man and into REAL life. She needs to get tapped back in to human interaction.
If she does'nt want to share in house hold responsibilities, she can substitute that out so she can have her down time? Nahhhh, responsibilities are just part of being an adult. This support of her 'down time', in my view, really has to stop.
This is real life here. Adult life. She is either on board with keeping her family intact, being a participating mom and spouse. Or she's not.
Settle for nothing less than having her tapped back in.
Just my two cents...sending you support, L~
I can't remember the last time me or my H watched a full television show unless you count sitting on the couch during quiet time watching Elmo talk about potty training.
I LOVE the idea of no TV or cell phones in bedroom. We have always had that policy. No laptop policy too. Did you know having these devices in your bedroom has been scientifically linked to poor sleep and less sleep? It can also be linked to reduced sex.
I understand not wanting locks on the doors but I would make an exception for FIL if he lives with you and helps around the house this much.
As for chores...well dishes don't do themselves and kids must eat and public nudity is illegal so sorry but she needs to contribute.
Her dad needs to give you guys privacy and respect!
Yes i know she needs to pick up her share of responsibility. and my personal counselor told me the same thing that L said, she needs to participate in being a mom and a spouce.
However i know her tv, her internet time, and her books are her down time, and her down time is very important to her.
In her opinion (and i try to be fair about understanding her side) is that she sees that she spends time with the kids if she is reading on the couch or watching tv and they are playing in the living room where she is.
I know that i need to be respectful of her down time. and as much as i dis like the fact that she has no respect for her health, i know i cannot change that.
Do chores together. Don't take them on entirely by yourself because that's a recipe for resentment. Besides, cleaning the bathroom will take only half as long and you just might have to *gasp* TALK to each other.
Cut out the tv altogether. If your relationship is in a crisis mode, her priorities need to be rearranged so that time with you and family will be maximized. And she needs to stop running away emotionally to face reality. My husband used to watch a lot of tv and it was one of the loneliest feelings in the world.
One last thing, I feel a lot of anger in your proposed rules. Some of the rules are a no-brainer, like the age inappropriate tv shows around the kids. But do try to present the benefits of the rules so that she can see these efforts are worth it, not that you're trying to clamp down on her freedom.
Amen to Lstecker's response! Totally agree.
Thinking about this post and thinking about my own life with my h--I'm shaking my head, wondering why the hell we stay. Are they worth the aggravation.
But i totally get what you say when you say she deserves more down time. I know my w is not happy unless she gets all the down time she can have.
Her texting in the bedroom was something that i just always put up with, because i felt i did not have the right to tell her no.