Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I'm 34 and have been married to my husband for 10 years. We have 3 children together. 2 years ago my husband( Who was in college at the time) left his cell phone at home by accident. It notified me of a text message so I opened it. It was some woman "sexting". I tried calling her of course she didn't answer. I have been known to have a bit of a temper...So I drove up to my husbands school, walked into his class and FLIPPED out on him in front of everybody. Of course he followed me home swearing it was just texting and he had never even met this person. I let it go...Kind of. I waited a couple days and waited until he was asleep and took his phone. If he wasn't doing anything wrong then there should be nothing wrong with me looking.
Turns out there were so many text messages "sexting" I couldn't even count them all. Not only to women but MEN too. I was literally sick. He swore and swore it was only texting. That I wasn't giving him any attention and that he didn't feel wanted, so he turned to porn then to sexting. I was completely devastated. Everything he said wasn't wrong, like I said we have 3 kids and our lives never seem to slow down so I did blame myself for not showing him how much he mean's to me. I couldn't let this go though. I have a MAJOR problem with needing the truth no matter how much it may hurt me...
I went through his things while he was gone. You know the saying" don't go looking because you might find what your looking for?" well the condom receipt knocked the wind out of me. I cried so hard for so long I literally ran out of tears. He came clean supposedly about everything. We talked for hours. He convinced me our marriage was worth fighting for. I am not above believing people make mistakes, we ALL have in one way or another. There is not a person out there that does not have a regret or two. I worked so very hard at being everything he wanted inside and outside the bedroom. We kept all lines of communication open, we talked about everything and made sure to make time for each other. It took 2 Years for me to trust him again. 2 years of me tracking his every move, putting hardware on his phone so I could make sure that online crap was done. I finally trusted him. I was so happy....
The other night my daughter asked me if we had gotten new phones. She went into the bathroom after my husband had taken his shower and saw a bigger phone. I asked him "jokingly" if he had a new phone. He said he didn't know what she was talking about...But old habits die hard and my mind started working overtime.
The next night when my husband was asleep I started the search. I decided to look in his pants pockets after a bit but really did not expect anybody to be stupid enough to leave evidence in there pocket. Well you know what some people are that stupid. Sure enough I pulled out a new phone. Before I woke him up I tried opening it LOCKED of course. Didn't really matter to me I could guess what was on it.
I woke him up...Not so nicely unless you like being screamed awake. He says he made a mistake and we can work through this. That he is going through some type of mid-life crises. He says I'm use to people hitting on me and have had people want to be with me because of my looks my whole life and I wouldn't understand. That he never feels like he's attractive and just wanted the attention of people wanting him. Why am I not enough? I ALWAYS tell him and show how much I want and need him. I just don't understand!! I cant even deal with this head on right now. I've been literally sick for days I got the flu the day before this happened. I feel like I'm dying my ribs hurt from crying so much but I cant even cry openly because I don't want our kids to see it.
I have not left him, but I don't know what to do. This is not just my life I would be destroying. I grew up in a split household I don't want that for our children. My husband had to ask me 12 times to marry him because I didn't want a marriage that ended like everybody else's we know. I told him that before I agreed to marry him so he would know how terrified I was of it ending that way. He promised he would never hurt me like that. Promises Promises Promises, why cant anybody ever make a promise they can keep? I love him, I love him so much...But I'm so sick of crying. The one thing in this world I can not stand is being lied to and he just cant seem to stop.
Turns out there were so many text messages "sexting" I couldn't even count them all. Not only to women but MEN too. I was literally sick. He swore and swore it was only texting. That I wasn't giving him any attention and that he didn't feel wanted, so he turned to porn then to sexting. I was completely devastated. Everything he said wasn't wrong, like I said we have 3 kids and our lives never seem to slow down so I did blame myself for not showing him how much he mean's to me. I couldn't let this go though. I have a MAJOR problem with needing the truth no matter how much it may hurt me...
I went through his things while he was gone. You know the saying" don't go looking because you might find what your looking for?" well the condom receipt knocked the wind out of me. I cried so hard for so long I literally ran out of tears. He came clean supposedly about everything. We talked for hours. He convinced me our marriage was worth fighting for. I am not above believing people make mistakes, we ALL have in one way or another. There is not a person out there that does not have a regret or two. I worked so very hard at being everything he wanted inside and outside the bedroom. We kept all lines of communication open, we talked about everything and made sure to make time for each other. It took 2 Years for me to trust him again. 2 years of me tracking his every move, putting hardware on his phone so I could make sure that online crap was done. I finally trusted him. I was so happy....
The other night my daughter asked me if we had gotten new phones. She went into the bathroom after my husband had taken his shower and saw a bigger phone. I asked him "jokingly" if he had a new phone. He said he didn't know what she was talking about...But old habits die hard and my mind started working overtime.
The next night when my husband was asleep I started the search. I decided to look in his pants pockets after a bit but really did not expect anybody to be stupid enough to leave evidence in there pocket. Well you know what some people are that stupid. Sure enough I pulled out a new phone. Before I woke him up I tried opening it LOCKED of course. Didn't really matter to me I could guess what was on it.
I woke him up...Not so nicely unless you like being screamed awake. He says he made a mistake and we can work through this. That he is going through some type of mid-life crises. He says I'm use to people hitting on me and have had people want to be with me because of my looks my whole life and I wouldn't understand. That he never feels like he's attractive and just wanted the attention of people wanting him. Why am I not enough? I ALWAYS tell him and show how much I want and need him. I just don't understand!! I cant even deal with this head on right now. I've been literally sick for days I got the flu the day before this happened. I feel like I'm dying my ribs hurt from crying so much but I cant even cry openly because I don't want our kids to see it.
I have not left him, but I don't know what to do. This is not just my life I would be destroying. I grew up in a split household I don't want that for our children. My husband had to ask me 12 times to marry him because I didn't want a marriage that ended like everybody else's we know. I told him that before I agreed to marry him so he would know how terrified I was of it ending that way. He promised he would never hurt me like that. Promises Promises Promises, why cant anybody ever make a promise they can keep? I love him, I love him so much...But I'm so sick of crying. The one thing in this world I can not stand is being lied to and he just cant seem to stop.
He knew what he was doing and did it anyway. AGAIN! I can see working on it once, but really?!? Lied to your whole family..
About time his whole family knows what kind of family man he is ... Get surviving an affair by dr bill Harley.
Here is a link to his forum
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2566583#Post2566583
Good Luck
I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. I still haven't confronted my spouse about his affair, so kudos to you for actually having the gonads to do that. It is so amazing how deceptive people can be--especially people we love and who claim to love us. I, too, come from a split family. I don't know what would've been worse--living in a home where there was tension and distrust or living with my mom and brother, as I did. It is not an easy choice. Know that children often receive the messages (verbal and nonverbal) from their parents. Love yourself enough that they will feel free to love themselves. I can't tell you to leave--I haven't even done that. But, do take time to get sound advice, counseling, and support before you make any final decision. We're here for you.
Overwhelmed I see you first posted here in January and have advice for others. I am really concerned that you are still in the relationship, correct me if I am wrong, DDay was in November correct? You haven't confronted your husband? Have you started counseling? Is he still dating others? I'm just concerned that you know and he's going to continue doing this and eventually you were the one that's going to get hurt worse. Respect yourself enough to protect yourself.
I'm really sorry if you're in a position that you feel unsafe, but from everything I read it didn't sound that way to me. It just seemed that you were afraid of being alone.
I'm really sorry if you're in a position that you feel unsafe, but from everything I read it didn't sound that way to me. It just seemed that you were afraid of being alone. I hope you find a way to confront him and to get on with your life whether it be with him or not.