Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I would like to take the time now to say thank you for all of your guys' support for everyone on here and it's wonderful to see a group that's helps everyone else. And I definitely need the help at a time like this here it goes...
I've been together with my best friend, high school sweetheart, my everything for 10 years. She was raped by her childhood best friend at the age of 15 (he lived directly across the street her whole childhood) She described it to me as rape and further on she started opening up to her mom, then friends, then family, and on to co-workers that she was raped by this certain person. She changed after being raped. She said she wears wigs to this day because she can't stand that her real hair was the hair she was raped in. The entire time I've helped her I've been by her side no matter what
Now we're several years later down the line... Last week she went to confront her rapist he says they can meet up at her house. So she agrees to go there. The entire time she's planning she does not let any one know. So she gets there they talk it over and he gets her to feel bad for him and act like he didn't see it as he raped her. They go to hug goodbye, then she says they made out and then from they end up having sex.
The entire day she was off and told me she had errands so I kept the texts and calls light. She starts acting weird around me and finally Wednesday I wake up in the night. Something was off, so I decided to go through her phone and I wish I never did. I find out what happened just 2 days ago and my heart's racing my head's pounding and my entire body is shaking she tells him how their kids would cute together and OMG I came 5 times today and how she wanted him in control of her p**** and how she could sleep with him all day.
I took a couple pictures with my phone and she woke up from the shutter I didn't get to read it all, but I read enough!!!!! She begs me everyday, but I don't know what to do, I just wanted to be married to her but now I don't know where it's going. I can't bare to tell any of my friends/family so they can see me as weak for still having her around.
I'm still in shock and total disbelief I don't understand how or why she let it happen! And how she can fix it. I'm sorry, I don't know where to go from here, I feel like I'm on the edge of losing it all. Please some one help!!
She has a lot of emotional baggage and psych issues that are obviously not resolved. I doubt she has a proper concept of love, faithfulness, and honesty.
You can't form a healthy relationship with someone who isn't healthy, it will be one sided codependent relationship. She will just drain the life from you.
From the history it will be a long journey with no guarantees in regards to her changing into a moral/healthy person.
Either she was raped and is very very mentally messed up. Or she lied about the rape maybe because she was mad at him for braking up.
Either way for you this is not good. Ur not her social worker. You sound like a great person. This women is not a good catch untill she has fixed her issues which are pretty huge. She needs very intensive therapy. I think you can do much better. Meanwhile get STD tested
I greatly appreciate the responses and thanks for the tip on STD test, she said it was only once and they used a condom but I can't trust her anymore, I just can't believe I've spent my life on her and now have to erase half of my life
You can stay and have more of the same. Or you can make substantive changes in your life and leave this nut behind. This is not a story about cheating as much as it is a story of mental illness.
Get yourself some help and get out.
I think she has a huge issue with honesty, I don't believe she was truly raped, I think she may have lied about that and couldn't turn back her lie anymore. cause it just doesn't make sense to have consented sex to your rapist, than ur pretty messed up.
Yes your effort is much better off on a new women, Yes maybe all ur "work" for her is wasted, but you cant help her, she can only help herself.
don't be scared of therapy, most of us have gone into therapy and it truly helps.
I can understand you lover her. Maybe it helps slowly little by little to start writing down the negative things about her, you seem to idealise her. she cheated, she lied, she risked ur health with STD's. You helped her and gave her your all and she treats you like this, she loves herself much much more than you. or she may have absolutely no lover for herself which could explain her mental status, but someone that cant love themselves wont be able to love someone else.
Try taking some distance and focus on urself, you don't need to safe her, you don't owe her anything, you don't owe her any help.
let her get individual therapy and for urself as well and take time apart. Good luck
No one wants the stigma of therapy or want to face the reality of being alone.
As well, you are not falling into a codependency trap where you worry about her needs over yours, especially given her betrayal.
She simply isn't a person at this time who can be in a successful relationship and may never be.
It sucks to have to start over but the foundation of the relationship is broken. Spending more of your life/time and resources to keep building on this shaky foundation would have been foolish. I have hope that you'll find your way through all this and end up in a healthy relationship.