Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I cheated on my boyfriend with different people over the course of our 2.5 year relationship. I started seeing my boyfriend right after getting out of an extremely emotionally and physically abusive 5 year relationship. (I was one year out of college when that relationship ended so I’m fairly young, 25 now).
my boyfriend is different than anyone I had met before. He has a child, covered in tattoos, and is sober. But I was interested in him for his sweet and caring personality. I wasn’t sure about the relationship but got sucked in not wanting to disappoint him or hurt him.
soon after we were monogamous I began seeing another guy. Who was everything my boyfriend wasn’t. He had a super gold high paying job. Was preppy etc. but we didn’t connect emotionally really and he lived in another state. This other guy was like a security blanket for me. Like a safe option if things didn’t work out with my boyfriend who was new and confusing. I saw this guy a few times flying to see him or him coming here and I lied and lied and lied about it to my boyfriend and kept it a secret.
this past summer I had an internship in a state far away and I then began another affair with a girl. I was questioning my sexuality at the time (not anymore) I also lied to my partner about this.
This spring my partner and I moved in together. Three months ago I started to tell him about my infidelities. But I lied about the extent of them. And he kept asking and I kept lying because I was scared he would leave me. And then once I lied I kept the lies going because I didn’t want to admit that I had continued to lie.
yesterday I finally told him everything. And we are both just so broken and lost. He called me a slut and said I’m not capable of love. But he hasn’t broken up with me yet. And says he doesn’t know what he’s going to do.
im just so sad and lost and scared that he’s right and I am incapable of loving someonw. Please help
Work on being the person you want to be.
live the life you want.
do not attempt to keep him if he leaves. just be the best person you can be, dont love bomb him.
I know not everyone can be understanding of what I did but hopefully just being able to post and let out some anger has helped you in your own life in some way.
You are right, you are probably incapable of loving anyone right now because your decisions are based mostly on satisfying your needs, where as love means conducting yourself in such a way that your partner’s life is enhanced.
So.. basically your selfishness will continue to destroy every relationship you have until you take some time to work on yourself and become a better person.
I hope you will be able to find the righteous path and heal from whatever is troubling you.
It really starts with limited or no understanding of what love is. Perhaps it wasn't modelled well in your childhood by your parents or you've bought into the lies of Hollywood love.
The biblical definition is noted below:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Notice how it is externally focused and self sacrificing.
Most people who fall into adultery/cheating generally have a self focused parody of love which really in the end just revolves around how someone else makes them feel and is less interested in how they are making their spouse/partner feel.