What kind of steps has he taken to fix his character? Does he even WANT to be a different person for the rest of his life? If he isn't putting in some REAL effort, then seems the writing is on the wall.

are you just going through the motions hoping they wont come back? Or are you really wanting to be a part of his and their lives? This is what the future looks like... is this what you want? Why do you seem to thing this is all you deserve? (I may be totally off base)

You are doing something there is absolutely NO WAY I could do myself. I praise the strength you and others have that can stay married in that situation. When you have the pain of the affair shoved in your face every time you have to set eyes on the illegitimate child(children) of your CS, it's simply something I couldn't do. I don't see how you could ever not think of HOW they are there to begin with, as innocent as the poor souls are. It's so not fair to the children, but also not fair to you. There is no happy road you can take unless you are ok with that type of lifestyle.

Not sure I have any helpful advice, but certainly can sympathize with your plight. Maybe just accept that if you feel you're done, then you're done. Take the lesser of two pains.

I'm not sure if I could handle my H oc if he was a brat. It took me about 2 years from the time I found out about oc (when he was almost 7 and A was long since over) before he slept here at my house.

It was slow process for me. First I met him (6 months after dday) then he met my kids. My H and I lived separately during the first year after dday so it made the slow process easier. My H was 100% supportive in my need to go slow with bringing oc into my life.

now there have been moments where I may have seemed further along and my H misread that as he could move this faster. The key fir me wasto be aware of my own emotions and inform my H when things were either moving too fast or if I needed space.

To this day I call the shots when it comes to the oc and his level of involvement in our family. My H does most of the care and parenting with oc.

in order for these oc situations to work, you have to have 100% of your H support. He needs to respect your pace and your emotions. If your not honest with him about where your at emotionally than he can't support your needs. But if your being honest and he's not supporting your needs, then I can't see it working.

I wish you luck. An oc is a huge addition to a messed up situation. 2 is really tough. Have you visited the link i gave you? Its the page with all bs dealing with oc's

Thank you all and no pinkpony66 I have not checked the website out. I will though. I agree that when I do something nice for them my husband takes it as oh she's ok with the situation now. I have been pretty vocal about where my feelings are but I think he misreads them when I am nice. There are days when I wish I could just fast forward five years and everything would be better but I know that's not possible. So I ask myself can you deal with it till then and the answer is always idk, guess we will wait and see. I really hate that he messed up our family for his own selfish gain!!

MY god....I could not handle that situation. To have a constant tie to the woman that he cheated you with. Hats off to you for trying but this may take its toll on you....

God Bless You...... I agree with the others..... I would never. You deserve your own happiness.

Never say never.

True...."never say never"...but I can say, "God Bless that woman".

Ive got an oc From my H's A that comes here on weekends but the process to get to that point was slow and steady. I think her H is force feeding these kids on her and I can't see that ending well.