How others treat me is their path; how I react is mine. ~Wayne Dyer

^shes right. What we allow will continue. Most Cheaters by character are self entitled and disrespectful. Most return to cheating and get better at hiding it.
If you can't trust the one who is suppose to be closest to you maybe you need to rethink things. Therapist can help u figure out thoughts in your head.

@jennifera, so true I definitely need to rethink things and have considered many times to seek therapy to help me figure my thoughts out.

Let's start with reality and feelings,
Reality is that you are a trustworthy person
Your husband is not, nor does he desire to become one,

You feel he doesn't deserve you ... That is true

Love is many things and I thInk that we'd all define it differently
And iof course there is the , he / she gives me butterflies , we 're soulmates

Yet, without trust
There can be no true love

I'm going through something similar. Hopefully you get the answers you're looking for. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's always the one's we love that can hurt us the most. I hope you can find peace soon.

Be selfish and do what is right for YOU. I made the mistake of trying to do what was right for my marriage (try to save it), and now I'm paying for it, again. Not this time :) Be selfish.

I'm sorry to read about your situation. Trust is the essence of any relationship, and without it you have nothing. Fourteen years isn't a good enough reason to stay in a relationship, just because. Cheaters lie, you have to know that. They'll admit only to what they've been caught with, and that means finding and showing them the proof, otherwise they'll lie and make you think you're crazy, paranoid and insecure for thinking it. Cheaters lie, it's what they do to perpetrate the affair; don't be naive. That one night stand all those years ago, was probably a lot more, and if you're still triggering, perhaps he's still at it.

You can't fix him and his ways, but you can fix yours and make changes. It would wrong to use an untrusting fourteen year relationship as your reason to stay. Life is what you make it.

Wishing you well.

I understand the exhaustion. This is where I am. I am giving up on this relationship. I'm going to move my spouse into the "friend zone". Trust me when I say that he's no friend, but I'm not going to sleep with him anymore. For anyone struggling emotionally to get out of a bad relationship with a cheater, this is the best way to emotionally detach. Realize they aren't capable of being the person that you are and as much as it sucks, be thankful that you know. Stop second guessing yourself. Listen to your intuition. From experience with more than one cheater in my life, where there's smoke, there's fire. The best we can all do is try to focus on ourselves, heal and move on...